How to Tell if You’re Being Taken Advantage of in a Friendship

Updated 4/11/2025

Friendship is a two-way street built on mutual care, respect, and support. However, not everyone is a good friend—some take far more than they give, often without a second thought. It might start subtly: conversations that always revolve around them, plans that only work for their schedule, or small favors that gradually turn into full-blown errands. Over time, the dynamic shifts, leaving one person feeling more like an assistant than an equal.

It’s not always easy to recognize when a friendship has become one-sided. The signs can be dismissed as quirks or temporary behavior, but if someone consistently disregards your needs, pressures you into decisions, or only reaches out when they need something, it’s time to reassess the relationship. No one should feel like they’re being used in a friendship. 

Why Some People Take Advantage of Others

It can be hard to understand why a friend might take advantage of you, especially when you care deeply about the relationship. In some cases, the behavior may stem from their own insecurities, unresolved trauma, or a learned pattern of manipulation. For example, someone who struggles with low self-worth might seek constant validation from others, even if it means crossing emotional boundaries.

Others may not even realize the impact of their actions. They might be so focused on their own needs that they overlook yours — a dynamic known as emotional neglect in friendships. Recognizing these potential root causes doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it can help you approach the situation with clarity and compassion.

Signs Your Friend Might Be Using You

Some signs of being taken advantage of in a friendship are obvious, while others can be more subtle, disguised as normal behavior. Here are some of the most telling signs that a friend might be using you.

1. They don’t listen to you, but always expect you to listen to them

If your friend expects you to listen to them vent for 20 minutes straight, then they should let you vent to them, too! If you always provide a shoulder to cry on, but they dismiss you or don’t give you their full attention when you have a problem or are feeling down, that’s straight up selfish.

2. They only want to hang out when it’s convenient for them

If they want your entire schedule to revolve around them, that’s not fair! When making plans in healthy friendships, you should both discuss your schedules and compromise to figure out what dates and times work best. If they’re guilt tripping you about making a certain date work, that’s a whole other story. The world doesn’t revolve around your friend’s schedule — and your time is valuable!

3. They’re constantly asking you to do favors for them

If your friend is sending you out on errands as if you’re their intern, it’s time to reassess the relationship. Sure, friends with healthy relationships will do favors for one another, but if it’s one sided and the person is constantly asking you to go out of your way for them, they’re taking advantage of you — and wasting your time.

4. They only reach out when they need help

This is one of the surefire easiest ways to spot whether someone is taking advantage of you. Does it seem like your friend only hits you up when they need something? Well, that’s probably the case. It may feel like they’re always needing your help, whether it’s borrowing money, career advice, or “brain picking” with nothing to offer in return, or a place to crash when they’re in town (but they never talk to you regularly throughout the year) — that’s fishy.

5. They are always making you pay for things

It’s pretty common for a friend to offer to foot the bill once in a while, and it’s expected that the other friend will get the bill the next time, right? If you notice your friend is conveniently “missing” when the check comes, they never offer to pay for anything, and they don’t respond to your Venmo payment requests, they’re just taking your money, and it’s definitely time to have a serious talk with them.

6. They’re using you to get ahead

The sad truth is that a lot of people will use others just to get ahead in life, whether that means to gain popularity in a certain social circle or in a work environment. You don’t have to be rich and famous for people to try to use you and your friendship to their advantage. Manipulative people will keep “friends” just so they can step on you to climb on up to the top. Don’t let them walk all over you!

7. They don’t show interest in your personal life

Friends care about their friends. Think about it — you want to know how your friends are doing, right? You care about your friends’ well being, how they’re doing, and you’re curious about their life. If your friend never asks how you’re doing, doesn’t show interest in your life, and only wants to talk about themselves, well, you probably already know what I’m gonna say.

8. They pressure you into decisions

A good friend respects your choices, but a friend who’s taking advantage of you might push you into decisions that benefit them more than you. Whether it’s making you feel guilty for not going along with their plans, pressuring you to do things you’re uncomfortable with, or always expecting you to prioritize their needs, that’s not okay. Friendships should feel supportive, not like you’re constantly being strong-armed into doing what they want.

How To Protect Yourself Without Ending the Friendship

It’s possible to maintain a friendship while still protecting your well-being. The key is learning how to set healthy boundaries, communicate assertively, and reflect on the balance of the relationship. By addressing the issues causing you to feel taken advantage of, you can create a healthier dynamic where both people feel respected and valued. 

Here’s how you can start taking control and fostering a friendship that benefits both sides.

Set clear boundaries

The foundation of a healthy friendship is mutual respect, and that includes respecting each other’s limits. Boundaries can be physical, emotional, or even digital (like needing space from constant texts). Communicating your boundaries clearly and kindly can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment. You might say something like, “I really value our friendship, and I need to be honest about what I’m comfortable with.”

Practice assertive communication

It’s okay to advocate for yourself. In fact, assertiveness is a skill that allows you to express your needs and feelings respectfully, without guilt or aggression. You can use “I” statements to frame your experience, such as: “I feel overwhelmed when plans change last minute, and I’d appreciate a heads-up.”

Reflect on the friendship’s balance

Friendships ebb and flow, but a consistently one-sided dynamic can drain your emotional energy. Ask yourself:

• Do I feel energized or depleted after spending time with this person?
• Are my needs and boundaries consistently acknowledged?
• Am I afraid to say “no” for fear of losing the friendship?

Being honest with yourself about the answers can guide you toward a healthier dynamic, whether that means adjusting expectations, having a candid conversation, or distancing yourself.

Reassess Your Relationship

Don’t let your “friends” take advantage of you, your kindness, or your time. Your true friends will never want to take too much from you or be manipulative. Trust your gut. If you feel like somebody’s taking advantage of you — they are.

If you’ve noticed that you have friends who have shown one or more of these signs time and time again, you should consider having a serious talk with them about your relationship and how it makes you feel when they try to take advantage of you. If they don’t make changes to their behavior, it might be time to cut ties and break up with your friend. Oh, and remember to never take advantage of people yourself — you get what you give.