Being parents of estranged adult children​ can be excruciating. Estrangement is an emotionally complex, deeply personal issue…and it’s not all that uncommon in parent-adult child relationships. Kids often struggle with maintaining a connection as they grow into adulthood. A recent study found that while anyone can become estranged from a family member, the largest group known to sever ties is children and parents — so if you’re currently estranged from your child, know that you’re not alone. 

During estrangement, communication breaks down, and silence, distance, and tension build. These barriers affect both the child and the parent, leading to emotional hurt. Though every relationship is unique, there are some common causes for children to become estranged from their parents—like miscommunication, unresolved conflict, betrayal of trust, unmet emotional needs, abusive behavior, resentments, or differing values and lifestyles. 

Most of the time, estrangement doesn’t stem from a singular issue or situation. It’s the culmination of events and interactions over years — sometimes decades — that come to a head. Whatever the reason, it can take an emotional toll on parents, causing lasting emotional scars. Looking at the root causes is essential for reconciling or overcoming the distance. Keep reading to learn more about adult-child estrangement.

The Emotional Impact of Estrangement

Parents of estranged adult children​ tend to go through a range of emotions after a child cuts ties. While you might not feel personally responsible for the separation, you can use this time as an opportunity for personal reflection and to learn what, if any, part you played in fracturing the relationship with your son or daughter. 

Even if you don’t feel at fault, estrangement can trigger feelings of:

• Grief: Just like when a loved one passes away, we grieve and mourn the loss of a relationship with a child.
• Guilt: Estrangement can cause intense feelings of guilt as parents reflect on past choices and wonder if their words or actions caused the separation. 
• Confusion: It’s common for parents to struggle to understand what went wrong and what they could have done differently. 
• Shame: Embarrassment and shame are normal reactions when dealing with an estranged adult child. Society often blames the parents, which can cause isolation and self-doubt. 

Understanding Your Child’s Perspective

If your child hasn’t yet expressed the reasons for their distance, you might be left wondering why your adult kids don’t want to be around you. Consider asking about and listening to their experience to gain a better understanding. It can be a challenge, but trying to understand your child’s perspective is helpful. Acknowledging their feelings is a step in the right direction — empathy and compassion might be the exact thing they’ve been searching for. 

Some adult children decide to break ties with their parents because of:

• Unresolved anger or disappointment: Unmet emotional or physical needs during childhood — whether perceived or real — can resurface as children become adults. If your child hasn’t dealt with those feelings, it might lead to estrangement.
• Feelings of betrayal: Harmful actions, words, and behavior patterns can cause adult children to distance themselves from toxic parents. As they become more self-aware and build confidence, they know what they deserve in a relationship.
• A need for independence: Estrangement can finally allow adult children to create boundaries and find autonomy.

Common causes of estrangement

Every family dynamic and situation is unique, but there are several known contributors to an adult-child estrangement.  

Examples of what might cause an estrangement:

• Criticism or lack of support: Some adult children feel like they’re being judged. A lack of support or feeling unheard in the relationship can fracture the parent-child bond and lead to estrangement from the family.
• Different or conflicting values or lifestyles: Generational differences that cause parents to not accept a child’s lifestyle, belief system, or values can cause friction in the relationship.
• Unresolved family drama: Conflict happens in every family at some point, but long-standing arguments or disagreements that don’t get resolved are damaging.
• Past trauma or abuse: Undealt past trauma or emotional, verbal, or physical abuse can cause adult children to put up boundaries with their parents, sometimes to the point of becoming estranged.
• Boundary violations: Boundaries in adult child-parent relationships are generally healthy, so if a parent oversteps and doesn’t respect them, the child may cut off contact.
• Mental health issues: Unaddressed mental health challenges can strain any relationship.
• Divorce or remarriage: Divorce is rarely easy. The introduction of step-parents or new family dynamics can deepen existing rifts and lead to, or further, estrangement. Young kids may encounter challenges adapting to these new changes, potentially developing emotional scars in their adulthood.

Steps for Healing Estranged Relationships

In many cases, it is possible for mom and dads to recover from an estranged relationship. One study found that most estrangements resolve — 81% of child-mother and 69% of child-father estrangements heal. It takes work, and both sides must be willing to put in time and effort, but with patience, vulnerability, and dedication, you may be able to heal the relationship. 

Reflect on your role

It’s important to honestly evaluate your behavior and role in relationships. Reflect on how your role as a parent has influenced your child’s feelings. When you become self-aware, you’re more equipped to approach the relationship with empathy and understanding. Addressing how your words may have hurt your children can be a pivotal step.

Try asking yourself questions like:

• Do I validate my child’s feelings and experiences?
• Do I respect the boundaries they put in place?
• Have I ever unintentionally (or intentionally) dismissed their needs or emotions?
• In what ways have my actions impacted their decision to put distance in our relationship?
• Do I offer sincere apologies when I am wrong?

Reach out with empathy and openness

When reaching out to an estranged daughter or son, use active listening practices (like “I” statements) and openly validate their feelings. Don’t be defensive; instead, share that you want to understand their perspective.

“Estrangement can be a profoundly painful experience, leaving individuals feeling lost and unsupported. It’s essential to approach it with empathy and self-compassion. Prioritize your emotional well-being by seeking support and reflecting on the dynamics that led to the estrangement. Focus on healing, setting boundaries, and nurturing relationships that align with your values. If reconciliation is desired, it requires time and mutual effort but your feelings and growth matter most. You deserve connection and peace, even in the face of difficult family dynamics.”

  Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

To avoid judgment or blame, use empathetic language like:

• I want to understand how you’re feeling and explore what led to the distance in our relationship.
• I’m genuinely sorry if my actions or words ever hurt you. Please believe that I want to work on healing our relationship — I am willing to do whatever it takes.
• Your feelings are very valid, and I want to listen and understand.

Establish healthy boundaries for both sides

For parents of estranged adult children, it can be tempting to see all boundaries as “bad”—but they can be healthy. Boundaries help establish a healthy relationship dynamic, where both parties feel respected and heard. They’re often a necessary part of rebuilding after a period of estrangement. 

You might agree on boundaries around:

• How often you’ll communicate
• How you will communicate
• Avoiding triggers for each other
• Respecting privacy

Consider professional help for healing

Sometimes, even if both parties want to heal the relationship, professional intervention is necessary. Family estrangement is a deeply emotional issue, and a licensed therapist can help you and your adult child navigate tough conversations in productive ways. You’ll both benefit from effective communication tools and guidance on resolving past grievances.

Practice patience and allow time for healing

Even if the estrangement period has been short, healing doesn’t happen overnight. This journey may be long, but with hope and care, relationships can mend. It’s important to be patient and understand that repairing a relationship is a process, and rebuilding trust will take time. Ensuring the best outcomes requires ongoing care and attention.  Put in consistent effort and stay dedicated to honest communication and mutual respect as you create a new foundation for your relationship.

Managing Expectations About Reconciliations

While your goal might be complete reconciliation, setting healthy and realistic expectations is essential. Even if it can’t be fully repaired, you might be able to create new, healthy, respectful dynamics. 

“I encourage parents facing estrangement to focus on self-reflection and acceptance. It’s important to honor your child’s decision, even if it’s painful, by respecting their boundaries and perspective. Take time to process your emotions with a trusted therapist or support group, and consider writing a letter whether you send it or not to express your feelings and hopes in a non-confrontational way. Acceptance doesn’t mean giving up; it means finding peace within yourself and creating space for healing, however that may unfold.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Whatever happens in the future, finding peace and acceptance is essential for your emotional well-being and mental stability. Take it step-by-step, day-by-day, and celebrate any progress you make, even if it feels small. Remember, involving your friends can provide you with additional support.  

Seeking Professional Support for Healing and Guidance

Healing from adult-child estrangement can be an emotional journey that’s too much to take on by yourself. Professional guidance from a qualified therapist can help you understand and process what’s happened in the relationship. They’ll help you reflect on your role and the part you played so you can grow and change. Therapy also teaches effective communication skills that can help you reconnect with your estranged adult child. You’ll learn how to set and maintain healthy boundaries and, most importantly, work towards accepting the state of your relationship. 

Whether you want to repair an estranged relationship with your child or you need help coping with the pain, Talkspace offers accessible, convenient online therapy for people at any stage of life so you can start healing at your own pace and comfort level. Get started with personalized online therapy from Talkspace today to rebuild your life and relationship with an estranged child. 

Your baby might be all grown up, yet your love for your child has no end — even when they behave in ways or make decisions you don’t understand. As a parent, it’s natural to feel hurt, confused, and frustrated when your adult kids don’t want to be around you. It’s also normal to feel a shift in your relationship as children become independent.

Experiencing distance or estrangement from your adult children can be painful. It can bring up emotions like anger, sadness, or even self-doubt. As you navigate this new territory in the parent-child relationship, it’s important to acknowledge that part of life is children learning to carve their own paths. This emotional situation can look different for every family, so it’s crucial to not compare your experience with anyone else’s.

As you come to terms with the evolution of your relationship with your adult child, the hurt will slowly fade, even if it’s just slightly. You’ll gain a deeper understanding and build new connections with your children. Read on to learn more about how to handle the pain when your adult kids don’t want to be around you anymore.

Common Reasons Adult Children May Pull Away From Parents

Adult children begin pulling away from their parents for countless reasons. They might be in a new relationship or trying to set boundaries. They can be starting a career or family and need to shift their priorities and focus. They may be experiencing mental health challenges or trying to deal with conflict from unresolved issues. Whatever the reason, there are ways you can reconnect and build a new, stronger bond with your children. For some families, the relationship may reach a point where parents are dealing with estranged adult children, which can be especially painful and challenging to navigate.

The natural shift in independence

Adulthood demands children find personal space and self-reliance (even if it feels like distance on your end). This distance often highlights the changing dynamic between parents and their adult kids. However, this change in the parent-child relationship is natural and healthy.

Children should start to become more independent — it’s a natural progression in life, and it means you’ve done your job as a parent. However, as a parent, the transition can seem abrupt or hurtful. Try to remember that this is a crucial part of development and understand that the shift isn’t personal but rather a natural progression of life.

Boundary setting

Adult children need time for self-discovery and establishing their identities. Boundaries are essential as they become established in their own lives. Setting boundaries with adult children is important for parents, too, but they’re critical for a child’s autonomy.

Try not to see your adult child’s boundaries as rejection. By honoring them, you’re showing that you love, understand, and trust their needs. Respect is essential. It can be difficult, but remember that overstepping, even if it’s unintentional, will strain your relationship.

Career and family priorities

Adulthood is marked by overwhelming responsibility that may challenge the bond between parents and their adult kids. Sons and daughters may struggle to balance demanding careers, raise their families, or navigate personal challenges. New priorities can limit how much time they have to spend with you and other family members. This new dynamic leaves many parents feeling sidelined.

It’s not that they don’t value your relationship — they’re trying to juggle multiple roles, as workers, partners, parents, and friends. Recognizing the pressure they’re under and being patient goes a long way in maintaining a positive connection.

Generational differences and changing values

Every generation feels a gap when it comes to different values, beliefs, priorities, and expectations, which can lead to miscommunication between parents and their adult children. Most of the time, there are obvious differences from generation to generation in terms of cultural and political views, perspectives on family roles, lifestyle choices, and societal expectations.

Occasionally, generational differences can cause friction between you and your adult child. For example, you might have expectations about family gatherings or how often you talk that no longer align with your child’s availability and interests, all of which create situations that are hard to navigate.

Don’t let these differences divide you. Approach them with curiosity and an open mind, letting your child know you accept them, their values, and their priorities — even if they differ from yours.

Parenting dynamics

Parenting styles have a lasting impact on every parent-child relationship, especially as years pass. If you were a toxic parent—overprotective, controlling, or prone to micromanaging—your child might seek more independence as an adult.

“Parenting styles, whether from parents or caretakers, who played that significant role in your life are your primary examples growing up. It is where we gain a first look at impressions on the “how to” of treating others, in terms of loving, relating, and even hurting. For example, if you had safe and secure nurturance, you might be more likely to search for those same qualities within a relationship or partner. What we see as a child, is certainly not scripture as an adult, but there is definitely resonance in what we might refer to, what we remember, and what we apply in our relationships as an adult.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Even if you had the best intentions, your son or daughter might feel smothered or misunderstood due to their upbringing. This can be tough to accept, but remember that you did your best as a mother or father. It might help to share that you realize you were overbearing and want to change your relationship today.

The influence of significant others

Eventually, your child will likely have a significant other, and it can cause a natural shift in your immediate family. It’s normal and healthy for adult children to slowly redirect who they prioritize in life. Romantic relationships and marriages are part of how your child will build their own family. It makes sense for their time and energy to be redistributed as they build their homes and families.

Try not to view this as a diminishment in your role as a parent. Instead, see it as an evolution in the parent-child relationship. Support their relationships without resentment or competition. Make sure they know you respect their decision to be with any partner and that you want to build a strong bond.

Mental health challenges

Mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, or chronic stress can impact how adult children interact with family. It can be difficult to maintain connections, even with loved ones, especially if they aren’t seeking treatment or managing their condition.

Recognizing the signs and offering support without judgment can help strengthen your relationship and remind your son or daughter they’re not alone.

Conflict and unresolved issues

Unresolved conflict, whether recent or from childhood, can cause emotional barriers that are difficult to break down. Past arguments, unmet needs, or family events (like divorce) can cause avoidance issues or detachment. It’s critical to address these issues as openly and respectfully as possible. You might seek the guidance of a therapist to help heal old wounds so you can pave the way toward reconciliation.

Your behavior

One of the most challenging aspects of understanding why your adult kids don’t want to be around you is reflecting on your own actions and behaviors. Taking an honest look at yourself can reveal if you’re being or have been hurtful, critical, intrusive, or dismissive. Self-reflection is a powerful way to grow and can help you understand what your adult child needs from your relationship.

Thank yourself for taking this crucial step, as it takes courage to look inward.

“What we do impacts others. And we can never know how much what we do or say, might ‘stay’ with a person. Growth is a lifelong process, and this highlights the importance of pause, insight, and self-awareness. By fostering these qualities, you can gain more perspective and thoughtfulness, rather than letting reaction be your main emotional driver. Inevitably, when we do give pause to reflect internally, versus react on impulse, we behave in less regretful ways. Some things sting, and as we know, there are not always ‘take-backs.’.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C

Parental Expectations vs Reality

It’s common to hold an idealized view of what being a parent means — especially when children become adults — but unrealistic or unhealthy expectations can cause disappointment and strain the relationship. For example, you might want frequent phone calls, regular visits, and unwavering appreciation. Your child might have a very different idea of what your relationship should look like.

Adjusting your perspective can help you embrace your new relationship and reduce tension. Remember that you won’t find a fulfilling parent-child relationship with a one-size-fits-all solution. Children must discover independence as adults, and your job is to help facilitate that, in whatever ways they need.

Tips for Rebuilding Connection

It might seem daunting, but you can rebuild a happy connection with your adult child. Use the following tips to reconnect in new ways. The dynamics might have changed, but the bond will always be there (even if you have to work at finding it). This means being patient, kind, and willing to adapt.

Initiate conversations without pressure

The first thing you should do is reach out to your son or daughter with a no-strings-attached intention. A casual phone call or text to check in lets you connect without suffocating. Avoid guilt-tripping or pressing them for more interaction.

Create new family traditions

Creating new family traditions can be exciting and a way to bring everyone together in a new, fresh, and meaningful way. Suggest having monthly dinners, getting together for a hobby everyone enjoys, or taking annual trips. Things like this can foster new, long-lasting connections. Finding opportunities to connect can strengthen your bond as you learn to accept this new relationship with your child.

Practice active listening and empathy

Active listening is a skill that will go a long way in supporting your adult child. Listen without interruption when they open up. Don’t offer unsolicited advice. If you find this challenging, start the conversation with a simple question: “Are you looking for support or solutions? I can and will do whatever you need.”

Give space but stay available

Studies show that adult children who have healthy and positive relationships with their parents are more likely to seek advice from them. As children move into adulthood, you want to respect their need for space but also want to be there for them. Let them come to you in their own time. Remind them that you’re always there when they need you and offer balance by giving them space while still being available. This is crucial when communication is lacking.

Seek professional help

If the distance becomes too much and you’re feeling increasingly distressed, it might be time to seek professional help. Therapy provides valuable tools and insights to help you navigate this challenging time as a parent who loves their children and simply wants to spend time with them.

Navigating the Changing Relationship with Support

Your relationship with your children will evolve over time. While it can be challenging to adapt to and accept these changes, look at them as an opportunity for growth as a parent and an individual. Try to be patient, understanding, and empathetic. Remember what it was like for you as you tried to navigate adulthood in the early years.

If you’re struggling, know that help is available. Getting professional guidance from a therapist can improve your relationship in ways you didn’t know were possible. Seek advice when things get hard. Mothers and fathers alike will discover the power of compassion and patience when working through changes with their adult kids.

Talkspace is an online platform that makes accessing mental health support easy and affordable for anyone yearning for change. With effort, communication, time, and guidance, you can forge a new relationship with your adult children.

Get started with online therapy today to learn how to be a better parent and strengthen your family bonds.

Determining when your aging parent needs help is an emotional and delicate process. Age-related physical and cognitive changes can happen so gradually that recognizing the right time to step in can be challenging. You don’t want to invade your aging loved ones’ space or take away their independence, but you also want to ensure their safety, health, and quality of life.

Keep reading to learn the 10 signs your elderly parent needs help. The sooner you recognize them, the more likely you are to avoid a potential crisis. 

Key Signs Your Elderly Parent May Need Help

When elderly parents need more help, it’s often about more than just physical needs. It can also be about helping them manage emotional challenges. Knowing what to look for is crucial in being able to step in before minor issues become major problems. 

If you notice changes in your aging parents’ behavior and think it might be time to have that tough conversation about their independence, be prepared with the right information and tools.

#1. Unexplained weight loss or gain

Sudden or unexplained weight loss or gain can be a serious red flag that your parent may need additional support. Significant weight loss could point to malnutrition, an undiagnosed medical condition, or even difficulty preparing meals. On the other hand, unexpected weight gain might indicate reduced mobility, depression, or side effects from new medications. Addressing nutritional needs promptly is key to preventing further health complications.

To help, arrange a doctor’s visit to identify any underlying causes. You might also consider consulting a dietitian and using a meal delivery service to ensure proper nutrition. Tracking their eating habits and assisting with grocery shopping can also support their overall health.

#2. Decline in personal hygiene

A decline in personal hygiene—body odor, unkempt hair, wearing the same or dirty clothing, or forgetting to bathe—may suggest physical or cognitive challenges. Even parents who pride themselves on their appearance might find daily grooming difficult due to arthritis, reduced mobility, or mental challenges that cause them to forget.

Ways to help:

• Use empathy when discussing to avoid embarrassment
• Offer assistance if they’re open to help
• Arrange for in-home care services
• Modify their bathroom with safety features like grab bars, a shower chair, and nonslip mats
• Give their wardrobe an overhaul and simplify options with clothing that’s easy to put on and wear
• Come up with a consistent daily routine that includes specific times for personal hygiene
• Assess if their lack of personal hygiene might be due to depression

#3. Messy or neglected household

If your parents’ home was generally tidy and clean but now seems cluttered, dirty, or neglected, it might be time to get help with household responsibilities. Unpaid bills, old or expired food in the refrigerator, and stacks of unopened mail can all be signs of depression, physical limitations, or decline.

Ways to help:

• Declutter and organize living spaces
• Arrange for a professional cleaning service to come in regularly
• Set up a system for paying bills, like automatic payments or online banking
• Use pest control measures to prevent infestation
• Take out the garbage regularly, or hire someone to help
• Create organizational storage solutions like bins or shelves
• Ask other family members to share in the responsibilities

#4. Isolation or avoiding social activities

Loneliness, depression, reduced mobility, or hearing loss can all make social activities and interactions difficult for an aging parent. If they no longer seem interested in attending their favorite activities or connecting with others, it could be a sign that something more serious is affecting their well-being.

However, it’s also important to remember that loneliness in retirement is quite common due to natural life changes, such as the loss of work-related social connections, so this could be a contributing factor as well.

Ways to help:

• Suggest they go to senior centers or community group gatherings to increase social interaction
• Recommend classes or clubs that serve their interests — like gardening or painting
• Take turns visiting with other family members
• Find volunteer opportunities for them
• Help them use technology so they can connect with family and friends virtually
• Sign them up for senior-specific workout classes like yoga or water aerobics

#5. Noticeable mood changes or irritability

Frustration can cause sudden behavioral changes like mood swings, an increase in irritability, or a shift in personality. It’s easy for an aging parent to feel frustrated with physical health changes, cognitive decline, or mental health struggles that are out of their control. If your parent seems withdrawn or more irritated lately, start paying attention to their day-to-day stressors. These mood changes may also be signs of anxiety or depression in older adults.

Ways to help:

• Ask how they’re feeling
• Schedule an appointment with a primary care physician to start ruling out medical causes 
• Encourage open communication and explore their emotions or frustration
• Ask if they would like to see a therapist, or kindly tell your parent they may need therapy
• Help them identify stressors and triggers
• Encourage calming activities — like gentle exercise or listening to music
• Offer reassurance and be patient
• Remind them they’re not alone

“Aging can be challenging—’health is wealth,’ and it’s not uncommon for older adults to experience a range of emotions as they face health changes or mental health concerns. You may notice increased irritability, anger, depression, or sadness as your parents navigate both physical and mental shifts. Approach these changes with compassion while also being mindful of the potential need for professional care. If mood changes are particularly significant, discuss them with their doctor, as they could indicate underlying medical conditions. Remember, you and your parents are not alone in this process. There are a variety of support services available, including therapy and elder support groups, that can make a meaningful difference. Don’t hesitate to reach out.”

– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino. LCSW-R

#6. Memory loss or confusion

We all forget a name or misplace an item from time to time, but if you notice your parent is struggling to complete routine or familiar tasks, it might be a sign of declining cognitive health or memory loss. Patterns of confusion can be dangerous, like leaving the stove on or forgetting important appointments, and they should be addressed immediately.

Ways to help:

• Schedule an evaluation with their doctor
• Start a log to track memory issues  
• Simplify their environment by labeling things and reducing clutter
• Set up reminders with calendars, alarms, or smart devices
• Stimulate cognitive function with activities like puzzling or reading
• Offer emotional support and reassurance
• Consult a neurologist or memory care special specialist for further evaluation
• Discuss long-term professional care options

#7. Frequent falls or unexplained bruises

Frequent falls or new, unexplained bruises can signal a loss of balance or coordination. They might also indicate hazards around the house or decreasing physical strength. Accidents can result in serious injuries, so it’s important to look for signs of struggle, like difficulty walking up stairs, hesitating before walking, or holding onto furniture for support.

Ways to help:

• Schedule a medical check-up and share your concerns about balance or mobility with the doctor
• Get rid of tripping hazards like loose rugs or cords around the house
• Make sure shoes fit properly, are supportive, and have nonslip soles
• Buy and encourage the use of mobility aids like canes and walkers
• Do a home safety assessment
• Consider getting a medical alert system

#8. Poor nutrition or lack of appetite

Poor nutrition or a loss of appetite in aging parents can stem from a variety of physical or emotional factors. Dental problems, depression, limited access to fresh or nutritious food, and medication side effects are just a few common causes. Addressing these underlying issues is essential to ensure your parents are getting the nutrition they need to maintain their health and well-being.

Ways to help:

• Encourage regular meals
• Assist with grocery shopping
• See a nutritionist  
• Sign up for a meal service
• Have more family meals
• Monitor hydration levels and water intake
• Meal prep and portion food so it’s easy to reheat meals

#9. Difficulty managing medications

As parents age, medication management becomes increasingly difficult and overwhelming, especially when they are prescribed multiple medications. According to a CDC study, nearly 70% of older adults ages 49-70 take at least one prescription medication, and 20% take five or more. This increases the risk of confusion around schedules, missed doses, or taking the wrong medication, all of which can lead to serious health issues. Ensuring proper medication management is crucial for their safety and well-being.

“Medication management is crucial for people of any age as taking medications properly makes a significant difference in managing any health concerns. As your parents age, you may notice that they are having more difficulty managing their medications, missing doses, or mixing up or not refilling prescriptions. It is important to discuss this with them and their physician in order to come up with a plan to better manage medications. There are a variety of ways this can be handled. With the cooperation of their doctor, your parent’s medications can be safely handled prior to any further cognitive or physical decline.”

– Talkspace therapist Jill Daino. LCSW-R

Ways to help:

• Use daily pill organizers and fill them up once a week
• Set up reminders on apps, calendars, or smartphones
• Review their medication regimen with their doctor
• Hire a caregiver to help with medication management if needed
• Ask the doctor about simplifying prescriptions with once daily or combination pills
• Monitor refill schedules
• Ask for a medication list from the doctor and keep a copy in case of emergencies

#10. Increased difficulty with mobility

Mobility becomes more difficult with age. Recent research shows that 40% of men and 53% of women over the age of 85 need assistance with daily living and functioning. Joint pain, muscle weakness, and arthritis can make standing for extended periods, walking, getting dressed, or climbing stairs incredibly difficult. 

If your loved one seems unsteady or starts avoiding doing things they used to enjoy, it might be time for mobility assistance. 

Ways to help:

• Schedule a medical evaluation to assess mobility issues
• Suggest physical therapy
• Ensure they have access to mobility aids like a wheelchair or walker
• Clear walkways and remove any hazards
• Get them supportive footwear for stability
• Talk about pain management options with their doctor
• Offer to run basic errands  
• Arrange transportation services for medical and social appointments

Starting the Conversation and Getting Help

It can be challenging to admit that an aging parent needs help, and starting the conversation is often the hardest part. It’s important to approach the conversation with compassion and understanding, even if your parent is hesitant or refuses assistance. Emphasize that your main goal is to protect their health, safety, and well-being by offering additional support.

Tips for starting the conversation:

• Choose the right time and place: Pick a calm, private setting where they feel comfortable and less defensive.
• Express concerns with empathy: Focus on specific observations rather than making general statements. For example, say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been skipping meals lately,” rather than, “You’re not eating properly.”
• Offer solutions: Suggest practical, helpful options, such as hiring a part-time caregiver, arranging personal care services, or scheduling regular check-ins to show that you’re ready to help make things easier.

Prepare yourself — the conversation might become challenging. Consulting with an experienced therapist can help you navigate this transition. Therapists offer strategies so you can address your concerns in a productive and meaningful way. They can help you manage emotions, improve open family communication, and explain how to know when your elderly parents need help. Creating an aging parents checklist may also help you identify areas where assistance is most needed.

If your parents need help with their mental health, Talkspace offers online therapy covered by Medicare. Medicare coverage makes it affordable and accessible for older adults to get the care they need to address mental health issues as they age. Online therapy can also help you learn how to navigate conversations with your parent.

Take the first step toward compassionate support today — learn about Medicare-covered online therapy from Talkspace.

Becoming a grandparent for the first time is a thrilling milestone. It’s your opportunity to witness the birth of a new generation while watching your own children take on one of the greatest roles they’ll ever have. 

While this new chapter is filled with joy, it can also be full of questions. It’s normal to have concerns about becoming a grandma or grandpa. You might be wondering — how can you support your adult child while developing a meaningful relationship with your grandchild?

Read on for practical tips for first-time grandparents that will help you step into this role with confidence, love, grace, and understanding. From respecting parenting boundaries to embracing modern trends, the strategies you’ll learn here will help you foster a healthy family dynamic and get the most out of this exciting new phase of life.

Essential Tips for First-Time Grandparents

Being a new grandparent is exciting and transformative. Yet, you may find yourself seeking guidance on how to build a loving connection with your new grandchild while supporting the new parents in whatever way they need. It can take time, but you’ll find your unique place within the family.

#1: Respect the parenting choices of your children

One of the most essential things every new grandparent should remember is to honor their adult children’s parenting choices. Every generation brings its own unique approach to raising children, and today’s parents may follow methods that are pretty different from what you used when you raised your own children. From feeding routines to screen time limits to sleep schedules, today’s parents have their own set of preferences. 

While it’s natural to want to offer advice, the key is to honor their decisions. Avoid openly questioning or suggesting alternatives, even if you’re unsure or have a different perspective. Instead, focus on offering encouragement and support—something every parent, no matter their style, will truly appreciate. Your positive reinforcement can go a long way in strengthening family bonds and helping parents feel confident in their choices.

#2: Offer support without overstepping

All parents remember the overwhelming early days, no matter how many years ago they were. Becoming a grandmother or grandfather offers you a unique opportunity to ease some of the burdens your children are experiencing with their new baby. The best help you can offer will be practical. Cooking meals, running errands, and babysitting so the new sleep-deprived parents can rest will not go unappreciated. Offering to assist with baby care, such as changing diapers or feeding, can be immensely helpful.

That said, be careful not to overstep. Acknowledge the new families’ need for space, and don’t be afraid to ask how you can be the most helpful. Try to take cues from their responses. Offering support on their terms earns you the role of a trusted ally rather than someone trying to take control.

#3: Build a strong bond with your grandchild

There’s a unique and irreplaceable bond between grandparents and grandchildren, one that begins from the very first moments and grows stronger with each interaction. Even the simplest gestures—rocking them to sleep, reading a picture book, or singing a lullaby—lay the foundation for a deep, lifelong connection.

As your grandchild grows from a young child to an adult, make it a priority to engage with them in meaningful ways. Whether you’re playing together, showing interest in their hobbies, or just spending time in each other’s company, these moments create lasting memories and strengthen your relationship. Your consistent presence and genuine affection not only nurture your bond but also play an essential role in their emotional and social development.

The love and support you offer as a grandparent can have a profound impact on their life—and yours. Cherish these moments as they form a connection you’ll both carry with you forever.

#4: Embrace your new role and let go of expectations

The grandparent experience can be unique, shaped by family dynamics, individual personalities, and the distance between where you are and where they live. Embrace your new role and be flexible with an open mind. Try to let go of preconceived notions you might have had about what grandparenthood would look like.

Some grandparents are deeply involved in everyday childcare, while others take on a distant role. Whatever your involvement, put your efforts into building a relationship that works for the family’s needs. It can be difficult, but try to let go of expectations and hold on to authentic, joyful experiences.

#5: Share family stories and traditions

One of the most meaningful gifts you can give your grandchild is a deep connection to their family heritage. By sharing traditions, telling stories about their parents’ childhood, and introducing them to cherished heirlooms and family recipes, you help them understand where they come from. These rituals not only foster a sense of belonging but also teach your grandchild about the rich history and values that have shaped your family over generations.

Family stories are also a wonderful way to reconnect with your adult children. Reminiscing about the early years of their own childhood can spark moments of shared nostalgia and strengthen the bond between you. Through these stories, you not only pass on your legacy but also create new memories to treasure for years to come.

#6: Learn about modern parenting trends

As a grandparent, you’ll quickly notice that parenting today can look quite different from how it was when you were raising your children. Today’s parents embrace a variety of philosophies and approaches, and understanding these shifts can help you support them in the best possible way. 

“Take time to explore today’s parenting methods and philosophies to better understand your children’s approach to raising their kids. This knowledge can foster harmony and reduce misunderstandings. Learning about modern parenting trends helps bridge generational gaps and strengthens family relationships by promoting mutual respect and understanding.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

Whether it’s exploring attachment parenting, learning about baby-led weaning, or understanding positive discipline, staying informed about these modern parenting styles shows your willingness to embrace the new while respecting their choices. 

#7: Avoid giving unsolicited advice

It can be tempting to offer advice, especially when it comes to the challenges of parenting. Studies have found grandparents to be essential sources of support, particularly for first-time parents. However, they can also become a source of stress if their advice conflicts with what doctors, nurses, and other healthcare professionals tell new parents. 

Your experience as a parent is invaluable, but sharing it without being asked can feel intrusive. If you’re tempted to offer suggestions, pause and consider whether your advice aligns with your children’s parenting philosophy. The most supportive gesture is often just being there and listening or affirming their decisions.

#8: Be mindful of your language

While you shouldn’t feel like you’re walking on eggshells, try to remember that your words carry weight. New moms and dads are vulnerable and often sensitive and self-critical. Use your words to be positive and supportive when interacting with your child and their partner. 

Avoid making statements or comments that might appear overly critical or judgmental. Positive communication will build confidence in the new parents and help strengthen and develop your relationship with them.

#9: Set healthy boundaries for yourself

Becoming a new grandparent is one of life’s most fulfilling experiences. Still, it’s important to set healthy boundaries with your adult children to ensure you can fully enjoy your new role without feeling overwhelmed. It’s essential to assess how much time and energy you can realistically commit to helping out and then communicate your limits clearly.

“Balancing involvement with personal boundaries allows all those involved to stay energized and present without feeling overwhelmed. Prioritizing your time and energy ensures you can enjoy your role and contribute meaningfully without risking burnout.”

– Talkspace therapist Dr. Cynthia Catchings, LCSW-S

For example, if there are times when you’re not available—whether it’s due to personal commitments or simply needing rest—let your children know when you can help.  By maintaining balance in your own life, you’ll be able to enjoy every moment with your grandchild to the fullest.

#10: Cherish and enjoy this new chapter

Grandparenthood is a precious gift—one that’s filled with unforgettable moments. Savor each and every one. The time you spend with your grandchild is fleeting, so embrace your new role with joy, gratitude, and a full heart.

Don’t stress about getting everything “perfect.” Instead, focus on being present and creating memories that will last a lifetime. Whether you’re cradling your grandchild for the first time, witnessing their first steps, or watching them walk across the graduation stage, each milestone is a treasure. Cherish these moments, for they will stay with you and your grandchild forever.

Embracing the Joys of Grandparenthood

Grandparenthood is a beautiful and transformative experience, full of moments to treasure. Becoming a first-time grandparent is one of life’s most profound milestones, and it offers the chance to build an even deeper bond with your family. As you welcome this new role, embrace it with an open heart and a willingness to navigate the unique joys and challenges that come with it. Not only will you cultivate a meaningful connection with your grandchild, but you’ll also experience a new phase of your relationship with your children as they step into parenthood themselves.

Remember, no grandparent is perfect. Just like parents, it takes time, patience, and effort to find your footing. The most important tools you have are love, communication, and flexibility. Be patient with yourself and others as you grow into this role, and always make space for learning and adapting along the way.

If you ever find that you’re struggling with boundaries or family relationships, seeking support from a therapist can help you find balance and joy in this special chapter. Talkspace offers online therapy covered by Medicare, allowing you to get affordable and accessible therapy whenever and wherever you need it. Get started with therapy today to find the support you need as a new grandparent.

Even if you willingly sign up to do it, as most people do, feeling trapped when caring for elderly parents is normal. The job can be one of the most rewarding — but overwhelming — things you’ll ever take on. In fact, it can be downright exhausting some days. 

First, there’s the emotional aspect of coming to terms with the fact that the parent has become the one being taken care of. Couple this new family dynamic with the physical, financial, and mental demands of providing personal care for an older mother or father, and it’s no wonder so many family caregivers find themselves struggling. 

If you feel trapped caring for elderly parents, know that you’re not alone. It’s common to experience guilt, frustration, and helplessness as you suddenly find you need to put your parents’ needs before your own. The good news is there are ways to manage the pressure you’re under right now. Armed with the right tools and strategies, you can find balance and regain control in your life while ensuring your parents get the elderly care and support they need in their later years.

Keep reading to understand why you feel trapped and learn effective steps to manage stress and the challenges of caring for aging parents here. 

Sources:

1. Jabbari B, Schoo C, Rouster AS. Family dynamics. StatPearls – NCBI Bookshelf. Published September 16, 2023. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK560487/. Accessed August 20, 2024. 

Admitting feelings of hatred toward family members is an incredibly complex and jarring process. Your emotions can be a mix of guilt, confusion, anger, frustration, and pain. While it might be hard to come to terms with your feelings toward a parent, sibling, or another family member, it’s essential to recognize that this is more common than you think. Your feelings are valid and can stem from various sources, like unresolved conflict, unmet needs, unhealthy expectations, or deep-seated resentment.

Keep reading to explore why you might sometimes feel like you hate your family, so you can learn coping skills and solutions to manage or overcome these negative feelings. 

Why Do I Hate My Family

Feeling like you hate your family arises from years of experience and emotions. Identifying and understanding the underlying reasons for your feelings is critical to addressing them appropriately and effectively.

Common reasons you might dislike your family can include:

• Unresolved conflict: When you’ve argued over or disputed something for years but never fully resolved the issue, it can lead to resentment and anger that’s hard to recover from.
• Differing personalities or views: Clashing personalities and conflicting values or beliefs can cause tension and intense discomfort in family relationships.
• Lack of boundaries: When your boundaries are repeatedly ignored or violated, it’s normal to feel frustrated or angry. The lack of respect for your space by toxic family members and the fact that you don’t have any autonomy can wear on you. 
• Abuse: Any type of abuse — emotional, physical, financial, or verbal — can cause deep feelings of hatred or a strong desire to distance yourself from your abuser.
• Toxic behavior: Once you identify toxic behavior, allowing yourself to continue to be exposed to it will eventually cause negative emotions. Toxicity can include behavior like manipulation, constant criticism, or passive aggressiveness. Toxic behavior may even come from having a narcissistic mother or father.
• Neglect: Not getting the emotional or physical support you need, especially during pivotal times, can lead to feeling abandoned or resentful toward family members.
• Unmet expectations: Growing up in a family where people continuously fail to meet your expectations can feel like betrayal.
• Comparison and favoritism: Constantly being compared to other family members — especially in an unfavorable manner — or sensing that other people are favored over you can make you angry or feel inadequate.
• Historical grudges: Lingering grudges and resentments from past events or past generations can fuel negative emotions far into the future. Even if they’re untrue, perceived injustices, when not addressed, can disrupt the family dynamic.

How to Cope with Negative Emotions

It takes work to develop skills that address and cope with negative emotions about family members. The first step is remembering that your feelings are valid. It’s also important to understand that you’re not alone. According to one survey, 6% of respondents reported periods of family estrangement from mothers, and 26% reported it from fathers. 

Below, we’ll help you work on navigating your emotions so estrangement doesn’t have to be your outcome.

Acknowledge your feelings

Dealing with negative emotions means openly and honestly acknowledging them. Trying to deny or suppress your feelings will just make them more intense. Let yourself feel and express your emotions without judgment. Feeling angry, hurt, or even hatred toward a family member is OK. You can begin the healing process once you accept that your emotions are a natural response to your experience. 

“We are taught that it is not OK to have negative feelings. This is not true; feelings are important, and it is extremely important to acknowledge our feelings, whether happy or sad. If we do not accept our negative feelings, we hold them inside and they start to eat away at us slowly. This can cause health problems, this can cause resentment, this can cause forgetfulness and anger; it’s like we wear a dark cloud over us.”

– Talkspace therapist, Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Practice self-care

Taking care of your own mental, emotional, and physical needs is imperative when you’re dealing with the negativity that comes with hating your family. Self-care means doing things that bring you joy and relax you. For example, you might try:

• Working out
• Meditating
• Reading
• Spending time in nature
• Getting a massage
• Doing yoga

Seek professional help

Getting professional help will assist you with navigating your emotions and complicated relationships in healthy ways. A therapist offers a safe space to explore your feelings so you can develop effective coping strategies to deal with a dysfunctional family relationship. 

In therapy, you’ll receive guidance and support to understand the root causes of your feelings and begin the healing process.

Set boundaries

Boundaries are critical when you’re dealing with family members who don’t respect your mental and emotional well-being. Communicate your limits and be firm in maintaining your boundaries with family. Setting consistent boundaries will prevent further emotional harm and reduce resentment or anger toward the family.

Build your support network

Creating solid support outside of your immediate family will give you emotional strength and a new, unbiased perspective. Surround yourself with friends, mentors, and support groups who understand the toxic relationship you’re dealing with and can offer you empathy and advice. Your support network will provide comfort so you don’t feel as isolated in your feelings.

Strategies for Improving Family Relationships

Improving family relationships can be a taxing but rewarding journey. Along the way, you may find that negative feelings pop back up from the past, but you can rebuild trust, mend a broken family, and recreate healthy connections with your family members. Having the right strategies in place is essential to making progress.

Open and honest conversations

Communication is the key to resolving misunderstandings or addressing grievances between you and your family. Open and honest conversations will help you clarify feelings and intentions, potentially reducing resentment. Clear and respectful communication can pave the way for reconciliation.

Approach discussions by being willing to listen and understand the other person’s perspective. Go into conversations with the mindset that you’re having a dialogue, not a confrontation. This is crucial to keep in mind as you learn how to deal with difficult family members.

Family therapy

If you need an outside mediator to help resolve complex family issues or family drama, professional guidance can help. Family therapy gives you a structured environment where everybody can express their feelings in a safe space. Working through conflicts with the help of a trained mental health professional can make the process more effective and faster. 

Therapy can help you discover underlying issues, enhance communication skills, and develop healthy ways to interact with your family. It can be a productive way to move forward, especially when dealing with deep conflict or unresolved emotional issues.

Focus on positive interactions

Shifting your mindset from harmful to positive can significantly improve family dynamics. Try to be conscious about only engaging in positive behaviors. Say thank you, spend quality time together, and celebrate one another. Positive interactions will help you build goodwill and, over time, can gradually change the tone of the family.

Forgiveness and letting go

To move forward, you must be willing to let go and forgive. Holding onto past grudges will prevent your relationship from ever healing. When you want to move forward, practicing forgiveness for yourself and others is powerful. 

“Forgiveness is important. It is more for you than for others, as holding on to negative feelings can hurt us physically and in ways we cannot always understand. Unforgiveness can turn us sad, bitter, angry and resentful. Oftentimes, letting go can help us more than the person who hurt us.”

– Talkspace therapist, Reshawna Chapple, PhD, LCSW

Remember: forgiveness does not mean forgetting. You’re not excusing harmful behavior. You’re just releasing the hold your anger and resentment have on you. When you let go of your negative emotions, you create space for a more positive and healthy relationship.

Building new traditions

Creating new family traditions is an excellent way to strengthen bonds and create positive memories to replace toxic ones. Whether it’s a weekly dinner, a new holiday tradition, or a hobby or activity everybody enjoys, new traditions can provide opportunities for families to connect and enjoy each other’s company.  

When to Walk Away

It’s important to acknowledge that sometimes, despite your best efforts, families can be more toxic than healthy. Recognizing these signs will help you accept that it might be time to walk away and protect yourself instead of trying to heal:

• Patterns of emotional, physical, or psychological abuse
• Repeatedly dismissing or violating your boundaries
• Being manipulative
• Demonstrating controlling behavior
• Showing an inability to respect your needs or well-being
• Causing you distress
• Undermining your worth
• Threatening your emotional or physical safety

Deciding to walk away is rarely easy  — but you must prioritize your emotional health and safety. Putting yourself first, even when it comes to family, is healthy. 

If you decide to distance yourself from your loved ones, remember that stepping back isn’t weak, but an act of strength. If you’re considering this, ask trusted friends, a therapist, or a support group for help. 

Processing your feelings and the complexity of cutting ties with family can be difficult. When you decide, establish clear boundaries and communicate your decision calmly and firmly. Then, focus on creating a safe and healthy environment. Choosing peace and prioritizing your mental health over maintaining toxic family ties is perfectly acceptable.

Moving Forward with Self-Compassion

However you resolve your feelings, move forward with self-compassion. Navigating complicated family dynamics will always be an emotionally taxing experience. When you allow yourself to feel and process your emotions without judging or self-criticizing, you learn to prioritize your needs, even if it means taking steps to protect yourself from your family. Remember: this is not selfish, but necessary.

As you move forward, focus on self-care, personal growth, and development. Do things you enjoy that nourish your body, mind, and spirit. It’s important to point out that self-care is never a one-time act. Instead, it’s a commitment to putting yourself first and ensuring you do things that replenish your energy levels, sense of self-worth, and ability to overcome. 

You don’t have to go on this journey alone — Talkspace can help. Online therapy makes it easy to explore your feelings and learn effective coping techniques that will promote your emotional well-being. Seeing a Talkspace therapist can be a safe space where you’re allowed to express yourself and work through your feelings if you dislike your family.

Reach out to Talkspace today to learn more about getting support with online therapy and taking that next step toward emotional well-being.

Sources:

1. Reczek R, Stacey L, Thomeer MB. Parent–adult child estrangement in the United States by gender, race/ethnicity, and sexuality. Journal of Marriage and Family. 2022;85(2):494-517. doi:10.1111/jomf.12898. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10254574/. Accessed August 20, 2024.  

Family drama is a surprisingly common part of life, touching everyone at some point. That doesn’t mean it’s easy, though. Family conflicts range from simple disagreements to deep-seated disputes that reshape relationships and dynamics. Often, these family issues arise from clashing personalities, differing values, or mismatched expectations. Whatever the reason, dealing with family drama can be taxing — emotionally, physically, and spiritually. 

Looking for guidance on how to deal with family drama? Keep reading. We offer practical advice and effective strategies to help you mend and manage unhealthy family relationships, aiming to resolve conflicts and restore peace.

Family dynamics shape who we are, offering love, support, and a sense of belonging. But what happens when these dynamics are disrupted? A broken family, caused by death, divorce, or other disruptions, can lack the harmony and structure essential for emotional well-being. The ripple effects of such disruptions often lead to emotional and psychological challenges for everyone involved.

Healthy family relationships provide a foundation of security, fostering emotional growth and resilience. However, when a family is broken, children are particularly vulnerable, facing risks like anxiety, instability, and even increased likelihood of risky behaviors. The traditional nuclear family isn’t always possible, but understanding how to heal family brokenness and foster a supportive environment can make a significant difference.

In this article, we explore the intricacies of broken family dynamics and ways to rebuild and strengthen these essential bonds. By gaining insight and employing effective strategies, we can create a nurturing environment where everyone can thrive despite the challenges of family estrangement.