When most people think of marriage, they think of a union full of love, respect, emotional connection, and mutual understanding. However, that picture-perfect ideal can fade over time, leaving spouses feeling lost, sad, and wondering how to survive a loveless marriage​. 

Feeling a disconnect in your marriage, where affection and intimacy have given way to simply coexisting, can be isolating. If you feel depressed or overwhelmed about being in a loveless marriage​, rest assured, you’re not alone. In fact, many spouses experience similar challenges in their married life. Going through these phases in a long-term relationship is more common than you might think, but there’s hope for saving your marriage.

Research shows that most couples who endure rough patches in their marriage end up happy. In one study, two-thirds of couples who stayed together during tough times reported being happy within 5 years. Interestingly, the same study found that those who divorced or separated during an unhappy period were no happier afterward.

Being in a loveless relationship doesn’t always mean the end of your marriage. Stay hopeful and explore new ways to connect with your spouse. Read on to learn how to heal from the pain when love is absent, and your bond has weakened. 

Why Love Fades: Common Causes of Disconnection in Marriage

Loveless marriages don’t happen overnight. They usually result from gradual changes or relationship challenges that have gone unaddressed for too long. Stress, unresolved conflict, and poor communication skills can all diminish intimacy and love over time. 

Common causes of disconnection in marriage include:

• Stress: External pressures such as financial difficulties, demanding careers, or health concerns can lead to emotional exhaustion, leaving little room for connection.
• Unresolved conflict: Avoiding or ignoring issues over time can lead to growing resentment and emotional distance.
• Poor communication skills: Without clear, honest communication, misunderstandings and emotional disconnect can accumulate, eroding the bond between partners.

External factors can have a negative impact on a marriage, too. These include:

• Financial difficulties: Money problems in a marriage can lead to tension, creating stress and putting additional strain on the relationship
• Raising children: The demands of parenting can shift the focus away from the couple, leaving little time for each other.
• Demands of careers: Busy careers may take priority, leaving couples with less time for emotional and physical connection.

These challenges can create a tumultuous relationship, where external pressures overshadow emotional connection and intimacy. When life responsibilities take precedence over marriage, making time for each other to connect on an emotional or physical level can be so challenging, that it starts to feel like your love has faded.

Being stuck in a loveless marriage​ doesn’t always mean your relationship is beyond repair. What it does mean is that it’ll take effort to address underlying issues and regain that connection.

Recognizing the Signs of a Loveless Marriage

Every couple should be aware of the signs of a loveless marriage​. If you’re experiencing any of the following in your relationship, it’s time to make a change. Identifying signs early helps you understand the state of your relationship so you can decide what to do next.

Signs of a loveless marriage​ include:

• Lack of or poor communication 
• Frequent arguments
• Minimal physical affection 
• Little or no intimacy
• Feeling emotionally distant 
• Feeling unappreciated
• Seeing marriage as a partnership instead of a romantic connection
• Feeling lonely in a relationship, even when together

Can a Loveless Marriage Be Repaired?

Rekindling love in a marriage can seem daunting, especially if feelings have been present for a while. For many couples, though, it is possible if they’re committed to the process and have the right tools. 

Repairing a loveless marriage requires both parties to be willing to work on the relationship and do some self-reflection. 

The role of professional support

Many people find counseling beneficial for reigniting a loveless marriage. Seeking counseling can help you and your spouse find new ways to connect. Professional support (like therapy) provides a structured environment to help you identify the root causes of issues in your marriage. With the help of a therapist, you can learn to strengthen your relationship and rebuild the bond you once had. 

“Seeking marriage or couples counseling can help address marital issues and clarify each partner’s goals for the relationship. It can involve exploring ways to reignite the feelings that were once there, or discussing how to move forward, whether that means ending the relationship or redefining what it means to live together.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

How to Rekindle a Loveless Marriage

It will take time, effort, and patience, but small, consistent actions can make a big difference in rebuilding a marriage. Actionable strategies that aim to restore intimacy and foster stronger connections will offer the best results. 

Rebuild communication as a foundation

Communication is one of the most critical areas couples in a struggling marriage should focus on. Research supports that effective communication is linked to marital satisfaction and improved emotional and sexual intimacy. Having honest conversations about each spouse’s feelings, needs, and expectations can help bridge any emotional gap that might have grown over time. 

Use healthy communication practices and empathy during conversations: 

• “I” statements — Starting sentences with “I feel” or “I think” can prevent defensiveness and lets you share without placing blame. 
• Active listening — When you listen more than you talk, it ensures everyone feels heard and valued. 

Make time for shared experiences

Spending quality time together is essential if you’ve lost the companionship you once had. Bond and connect by going on date nights, doing hobbies, or spending uninterrupted time together. Focus on doing anything that can reignite feelings of joy when you’re together.

Rekindle physical and emotional intimacy

When you’re trying to survive in a loveless, sexless marriage​, intimacy can feel impossible. You don’t have to jump back into a physical relationship right away, though. Small gestures of physical affection, like holding hands, sitting close to one another to watch a movie, or exchanging warm hugs, can slowly rebuild intimacy. Emotional closeness will grow when you show affection for your partner and start to prioritize meaningful connections.

Create positive interactions

Having intentional interactions without stress will take some work, but it can be done. The next time you have an argument or fight, agree to table the contention and spend time doing something together. If you consistently focus on interacting in positive ways, you can start to reshape how you engage with each other. 

Focus on gratitude

Gratitude can transform a marriage and lead to positive change. Try to focus on your partner’s positive traits and actions. Acknowledge even the smallest efforts — a simple “thank you” will go a long way in fostering affection and goodwill. 

Seek professional guidance

Even if you both want to heal your relationship, unhealthy patterns that have gone on too long can be hard to fix without professional guidance. Therapy offers a structured environment for seeking relationship advice and learning valuable tools to address deep-seated issues effectively. A good therapist can help you improve communication, identify the root causes of your marriage problems, and explore ways you and your partner can heal. 

For busy couples, online marriage counseling from Talkspace provides convenient access to help when and where it works for them. 

Focus on shared goals or mutual responsibilities

Feeling close to your partner can be challenging if you don’t have shared goals and responsibilities in your marriage. Whether it’s parenting, home maintenance, financial planning, or even day-to-day tasks like shopping and meal prep, these responsibilities can add stress and create distance. By working together towards common goals, couples can strengthen their partnership and feel more united in their shared journey.

Invest in yourself

Self-care is vital in married life. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to offer real support to anyone else — not even your partner. Pursue personal hobbies, make time for friendships, do self-improvement activities, and prioritize things you love to enhance your emotional well-being. The more fulfilled and content you are, the easier it is to work on your relationship. 

Practice patience and small, consistent changes

Change takes time. Rebuilding your marriage and finding the love you once had for each other is a gradual process that requires continuing effort, patience, and commitment from both people. 

“If the decision to work and repair the relationship is made, be sure to remember that it is a slow process. Consider it like dating all over again. You are learning about one another in new ways even though you know each other intimately. Take your time and don’t rush the process and be intentional about how you two make the effort to grow together again.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Rather than expecting a huge shift overnight, focus on making small but meaningful efforts to connect. Try leaving a thoughtful note or surprising them with a kind gesture. Over time, these small acts can have a big impact. 

Moving Forward: Together or Apart

While there’s a great chance you and your partner can successfully repair your relationship, some couples make the healthy realization that their marriage has come to a natural end. Recognizing when it’s time to let go can be a painful process, but it’s a necessary step if you’re ever going to find personal happiness again. 

It’s important to know that deciding to leave a loveless marriage​ isn’t a failure. It takes courage to prioritize your own emotional well-being and be open about what you want in the future. If divorce is on your mind, discuss your feelings openly with your spouse to reach an agreement.

Whether you work toward rekindling your relationship or you decide to move on to create a new life independently, you’re on a journey to reclaim joy, connection, and purpose, and that’s always worth pursuing.

If you’re trying to reignite the spark in your marriage or contemplating how to survive a loveless, sexless marriage​, you don’t have to navigate these challenges alone. Professional support through platforms like Talkspace will give you guidance and the tools to move forward. Learn more about online couples therapy today and take the first step toward a brighter future.

A 2023 American Psychological Association (APA) study found that money is a significant source of stress for 77% of adults aged 35 – 44. Given how closely money and relationships are intertwined, it’s no surprise that finances are one of the most common challenges couples face today. 

The impact of financial stress goes beyond just the bank account—it can affect emotional well-being, intimacy, and trust. Money problems in a marriage are a leading cause of tension for couples. Even worse, they are a leading cause of divorce, with 36% of individuals in a study citing financial strain as a key contributor to their split.

But here’s the good news: by taking a proactive approach to your finances as a couple, you can tackle these challenges head-on, strengthen your partnership, and create a healthier, more resilient relationship. Read on to discover how to turn money-related stress into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection.

Common Financial Problems Couples Face

Financial problems in a marriage can create stress in many ways, but understanding that money challenges are a common part of relationships can make a big difference. When you recognize that financial issues don’t have to drive a wedge between you and your partner, you can approach them as a team. Addressing financial issues early on—before they escalate—gives you both the opportunity to work together, find solutions, and strengthen your bond.

Lack of communication

Communication is critical in any relationship — but it’s even more paramount when we’re talking about finances. Studies show that 78% of couples who communicate “well” feel that money isn’t the biggest issue in their relationship. 

Financial problems in a marriage can stem from spending habits, misaligned financial expectations, or missed opportunities to reach goals. Honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy marriage, so when finances aren’t openly discussed, or they’re seen as taboo, even minor issues can spiral into major conflicts over time. 

Differing spending habits

It’s unrealistic to expect you and your partner to always be perfectly aligned on spending habits. After all, one of you may be a saver while the other is more of a spender. However, constant clashes over money decisions can strain your relationship. 

Without a clear, mutually agreed-upon financial plan, disagreements are bound to arise—whether it’s about lifestyle choices, big purchases, day-to-day spending, or how much to save. Finding common ground is key to resolving conflict in a relationship.

Conflicting money values

Your financial values are influenced by a mix of your upbringing, personal beliefs, and past experiences. For example, you might place a high value on saving for the future, while your partner may prefer to focus on enjoying the present. These differing perspectives can make it challenging to agree on how to manage your money—whether it’s prioritizing retirement savings, planning for a vacation, making charitable donations, or simply spending as you go. 

Navigating these differences requires understanding and compromise, but with open communication, you can find a balance that works for both of you.

Debt 

Research shows a clear link between how couples manage finances and their overall relationship quality. Constantly arguing over debts—whether it’s student loans, credit card balances, or medical bills—can take a serious toll, putting your marriage in trouble. 

Whether one partner brought debt into the relationship or it’s something you’ve accumulated together, the stress of managing it can feel overwhelming. This is especially true when you have different ideas about how to tackle it. Open communication and a unified strategy are essential to navigating this challenge without letting it drive a wedge between you.

Financial infidelity

When we think of infidelity in a relationship, we often imagine physical or emotional involvement with someone outside the marriage. However, financial infidelity is a less traditional but equally damaging form of betrayal. 

“Financial infidelity is when one or both partners in a relationship lie about or hide financial information from each other. It can stem from fear, shame, or past financial trauma, and it often feels like a form of betrayal because it breaks trust, shifts power between partners, and leads to arguments, diminished trust, separation, or divorce.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple PhD, LCSW

One study found that 1 in 3 couples who argue about money admit to hiding purchases from their romantic partner. Hiding purchases, having secret accounts, or not being truthful about debt can damage trust in a marriage. In many ways, financial infidelity can be just as destructive as a physical affair, leaving deep emotional scars and undermining the foundation of trust that a marriage is built on.

Income disparity

In marriages where one partner earns significantly more than the other, it’s easy for feelings of inadequacy or an unintended power struggle to emerge. The person who earns less may feel guilty about not contributing as much, while the higher earner might feel burdened with carrying the bulk of the financial responsibility. 

Without open communication and a shared approach to managing finances, income disparity can create tension and frustration. Addressing these feelings head-on and working together toward mutual understanding can help prevent financial inequality from undermining your relationship.

Budgeting failures

Not sticking to a budget is more common than many realize. Without a clear financial plan, it’s easy to lose track of expenses or let overspending sneak up on you, which can lead to money-related anxiety. Budgeting struggles often point to deeper issues, such as conflicting priorities or poor communication between partners.

When you’re not aligned on financial goals or cannot openly discuss money, it can be tough to stay on track. Addressing these underlying challenges is key to creating a budget you can both stick to and feel good about.

Effective Strategies for Managing Finances & Preventing Money Problems

Studies show that 1 in 4 couples consider marriage finances to be the biggest marriage problems they deal with. While it’s common for money matters to cause stress, they don’t have to define or control your relationship. By adopting proactive strategies—like the ones outlined here—you can tackle financial challenges together with confidence and strengthen your partnership in the process.

1. Maintaining open communication

Open dialogue about finances is essential for a healthy relationship. Set aside time for calm, productive “money talks,” where you can regularly check in on your financial situation. These discussions can cover topics such as:

• Income
• Expenses
• Savings
• Debt
• Goals

“Setting aside time for couples to discuss money is crucial because it fosters open communication and mutual understanding, allowing partners to align their financial goals. Ultimately, this strengthens their relationship by addressing potential issues. Conflicts can often be avoided by proactively discussing difficult topics.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple PhD, LCSW

To ensure your money discussions are productive and stress-free, keep these guidelines in mind:

• Create a judgment-free zone: Make sure both of you feel comfortable sharing concerns and asking questions without fear of criticism. A safe space fosters openness and understanding.
• Don’t weaponize information: Never use what’s shared during money talks against each other later. Bringing up past financial discussions during arguments is unfair and undermines trust.
• Check in regularly: Aim for weekly or biweekly financial check-ins to stay on the same page and prevent surprises. Regular communication helps you stay aligned and proactive.
• Pick the right time: Avoid discussing finances during stressful moments—like when you’re rushing to get the kids to bed or preparing to leave for work. Choose a calm time to ensure both of you can focus and engage without distractions.

2. Setting financial goals together

Having financial goals that both partners care about and agree on is essential for a strong financial foundation. Research shows that 1 in 3 couples don’t see eye to eye on what they should be saving for. To avoid this disconnect, view your financial goals as a roadmap built on a shared vision of the future.

Clearly define both short-term objectives (like saving for a vacation) and long-term priorities (such as buying a home, saving for college, or preparing for retirement). When you both agree on what you’re working toward and have a solid plan in place, you’re more likely to support each other and stay motivated to reach those goals.

3. Creating a shared budget

A budget is only effective if both partners stick to it. Creating a joint strategy helps ensure transparency and accountability, so you’re both on the same page and aligned with shared priorities. If making a budget feels overwhelming on your own, consider using a tool or app to simplify the process and keep things organized.

To make your budget work for you, focus on key strategies that ensure consistency and progress. 

Here’s how to get started:

• Track your income 
• Identify fixed expenses
• Allocate for discretionary spending
• Make a plan for how much you’ll save from each paycheck or every month
• Determine how much you’ll pay off toward debt every month
• Set goals for long-term needs, like a vacation or retirement 
• Set up automatic savings payments

4. Understanding each other’s money mindsets

Money mindsets are unique and often shaped by past experiences and upbringing. That’s why it’s so important to have open conversations with your partner about your financial history and attitudes—whether it’s how you view money, your saving and spending habits, or your comfort level with taking financial risks, like investing.

By understanding each other’s perspectives, you create a foundation of empathy and patience. This openness can help bridge the gap in how you approach marriage finances together, making it easier to align on goals and build a strong financial partnership.

5. Setting up automatic savings

The easiest way to save and achieve financial stability is by being consistent. One of the best ways to do this is by automating transfers to dedicated accounts before you spend. Automation removes the guesswork and reduces financial stress, helping you save effortlessly for the future.

Consider automating transfers for:

• Emergency funds
• Retirement accounts
• Specific goals
• Education expenses
• High-yield investments

6. Building financial transparency

Transparency is crucial in every aspect of a partnership, but it’s essential when it comes to money and relationships. Open communication helps prevent misunderstandings and fosters trust. Be honest about your bank accounts, debts, investments, and savings—keeping each other in the loop creates a solid financial foundation.

Don’t shy away from discussing past financial challenges or any difficulties you’re facing now. Share your progress, celebrate your wins together, and stay equally invested in each other’s financial well-being. 

7. Planning for the unexpected

Preparing for the unexpected ensures you’re ready to handle any financial emergencies that may arise. Knowing you have a plan in place can alleviate anxiety and provide peace of mind, even in the worst-case financial scenarios.

Build an emergency fund with 3 to 6 months’ worth of expenses. While it may be uncomfortable, it’s essential to have open conversations about health, life, and disability insurance coverage to protect yourself and your partner from unforeseen events.

8. Managing debt together

Debt management works best when it’s a team effort. Create a clear repayment plan and commit to working toward a debt-free future—even if it takes time. Tackling debt together helps you stay motivated and aligned with your financial goals.

Review all outstanding debts and focus on paying down high-interest credit cards or loans first. This strategy helps minimize interest costs and accelerates your path to financial freedom.

9. Seeking professional help

If you’re facing frequent arguments about money, it might be time to seek professional help. A financial advisor can work with you both to create a tailored plan for managing your money, while couples counseling can improve communication and help resolve resentments about finances.

“A couples counselor assists partners in expressing their emotions, addressing relationship challenges, and resolving disputes regarding money/finances. Couples therapy fosters greater understanding, respect, affection, and intimacy, contributing to increased happiness and less financial stress in the relationship.”

– Talkspace therapist Reshawna Chapple PhD, LCSW

Outside support provides a fresh perspective and practical solutions that can help you both navigate financial challenges more effectively, often revealing options you might not have considered on your own.

10. Respecting each other’s independence

While achieving financial unity in your marriage is a worthy goal, it’s perfectly fine if you both agree to maintain some level of financial independence. Many couples find success with a system where shared expenses are managed jointly, but each partner also has their own personal account for discretionary spending. This approach allows for both teamwork and individual freedom.

Find a balance that works for your marriage—one that gives you both autonomy while still holding each other accountable. It’s about striking the right mix of independence and partnership.

Tips for Handling Financial Disagreements

Even the strongest relationships will experience financial disagreements from time to time. Differences in spending habits, savings priorities, or unexpected expenses can create tension. However, with the right strategies in place, you can handle these disagreements constructively and avoid long-term conflict. Having a plan for how to navigate money disagreements helps you approach them calmly and with a clear solution in mind.

Stay calm and avoid blame

When emotions run high during a financial discussion, stay calm and focused rather than blaming each other. Use “I” statements as much as possible. A statement like “I feel stressed about our savings” will have better results than “You’re spending everything we’ve saved up!” Make sure you’re expressing your perspective without accusing your partner. 

Compromise and flexibility

The reality is that you might not always agree on every financial decision in your marriage. Compromise is essential to finding a middle ground that respects both of your perspectives. For example, if you want to save for a vacation but your partner wants to pay off debt, you can agree to put money toward each goal every month. Being flexible shows you value and respect each other.

Agreeing on a plan of action 

Once you resolve a disagreement, create a clear plan of action to move forward. Outline what steps you can take to resolve the next time you have an issue. This might involve adjusting the budget, cutting unnecessary expenses, or setting spending limits. Document your agreement to ensure accountability and create a framework for moving forward.

Regular check-ins

Frequent financial check-ins allow you to proactively address money issues and prevent disagreements from boiling over. Review progress on your goals, revisit your budget, and discuss concerns as they come up.

Strengthen Your Marriage with Support from Talkspace

Financial pressures can weigh heavily on a relationship, but they don’t have to be a deal breaker. By taking a healthy approach to money, you’ll be stronger and able to overcome any financial problems in your marriage. With some work and dedication, you can learn how to prioritize communication, trust, and teamwork.

If dealing with finances is taking a toll on your marriage, professional help can change the course. Talkspace offers online couples counseling, giving you a convenient, effective way to work through money-related disputes and learn how to navigate future ones.

Take that first step and save your marriage from financial strain with guidance from online couples therapy. Talkspace can help you navigate money and relationship challenges, strengthen your marriage, and protect your financial future.

Although some people are skeptical, marriage counseling can work if you put the time and effort into it. Fear of investing energy, faith, and money into something you’re not sold on is a valid concern, though. Doubts can be further compounded by past negative experiences or the stigma surrounding therapy. If communication breakdowns, intimacy issues, broken trust, infidelity, or unresolved conflict have been part of your relationship, it’s natural to wonder how therapy can possibly make a difference. 

Most research shows that 70% of couples who seek counseling have positive outcomes. How effective marriage counseling can be for you depends on several factors, but if you approach it fully committed and with proper support, it can help.

Learn more about how and why marriage therapy does work here.  

Feeling unhappy in a marriage is more common than many people realize. In fact, research shows that up to 20% of couples are dissatisfied with their marriage at any given time. The reasons behind this unhappiness are varied—poor communication, unrealistic or unmet expectations, external stressors, conflicts over parenting, financial problems in marriage, and a host of other factors. When these issues go unaddressed, the emotional toll can be significant, often leading to anxiety, depression, and a sense of isolation. The impact on mental and emotional well-being can be profound, making it harder to find joy or fulfillment in the relationship.

The good news is that for many couples, an unhappy marriage can be turned around. You don’t always have to call it quits. In fact, many couples who face challenges ultimately emerge stronger and more connected than before. The key to fixing an unhappy marriage is recognizing the signs of dissatisfaction, understanding the underlying causes, and knowing what steps to take—whether that’s working through issues together or, in some cases, realizing it may be time to part ways.

Whether you’re determined to rekindle your marriage or are considering moving on, you’re not alone. There is hope, and support is available. Keep reading to discover more about how you can navigate this journey.

Common Signs of an Unhappy Marriage

Recognizing the signs of an unhappy marriage is the first step toward making positive changes. If any of the following resonates with you, it may be time to examine your relationship more closely and consider how to address the issues.

Here are some common indicators that a marriage may be struggling:

• Frequent arguments 
• Unresolved conflicts  
• Emotional disconnection
• Lack of intimacy
• Feeling lonely, even when together
• Avoidance of difficult conversations or topics
• Feeling bored or stagnant
• Constant criticism
• Feeling contempt 
• Defensiveness in interactions
• Neglecting each other’s needs, emotionally or physically
• Loss of trust due to betrayal, such as infidelity
• Persistent feelings of resentment
• Regularly feeling frustrated

Exploring the Root Causes of Marital Unhappiness

For most couples, marital unhappiness doesn’t occur overnight—it’s usually the result of a buildup of issues over time. Marriage problems often start small but, if left unaddressed, can gradually erode the foundation of the relationship. Understanding the root causes of your unhappiness is crucial to making meaningful changes and moving toward a healthier, more fulfilling connection.

Communication breakdown

Ineffective communication is a major cause of marital unhappiness. When couples don’t communicate well, frequent misunderstandings are common. They also might begin to avoid difficult topics, which can lead to resentment and put distance between them. 

For example, a married couple might have the same argument over household responsibilities, but the underlying issue could be the lack of appreciation or acknowledgment of one another’s efforts. Built-up frustrations can cause an emotional divide when couples don’t express their emotions.

“Communication breakdowns occur, not instantly, but over time. It starts with not listening to one another to prepare ourselves for the expected fight. Instead of reacting in the moment to the expected statements, take a step back and discern what IS actually being said to what we THINK is being said. Employing active listening skills can help in reducing miscommunication and the eventual breakdown in communication.”

” – Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Growing apart

People and relationships can change over time. Unless you make a conscientious decision to stay connected, it’s easy to grow apart over the years. Hobbies, interests, career paths, or even personal goals can shift and leave one or both partners feeling disconnected, isolated, and unsupported.

For instance, maybe you invest considerable time in your demanding career, but your partner wants to focus more on personal hobbies or raising children. This disconnection often weakens the emotional bond, making the relationship less fulfilling for both partners.

Unrealistic expectations

Studies show a significant factor that can lead to divorce is bringing unrealistic expectations into the marriage. For example, if you expect your partner or spouse to know how to meet your every emotional need, even when you haven’t told them what they are, you’re likely to experience utter disappointment in your marriage. 

Conflict or resentment

Although conflict is a natural part of any relationship, not dealing with it can lead to deep-seated resentment and cause long-term damage. Resentment can come from unresolved issues in the marriage, like feeling unappreciated, mistreated, or unheard.  

One example of how conflict might breed resentment is feeling burdened by unequal household responsibilities, but your concerns are dismissed when you share them with your partner. These unresolved frustrations can spiral into an unhappy couple dynamic. Learning how to resolve conflict in a relationship can mitigate this common cause of marital unhappiness.

Personal issues or life stress

Personal challenges and stress in life, like mental health struggles, career stress, family challenges, financial issues, or unresolved trauma, can all impact a marriage. 

For example, you might start arguing more when you’re going through a tough financial time. The arguments aren’t due to a lack of love but to heightened stress and anxiety.

Infidelity

Infidelity is one of the most emotionally devastating challenges a marriage can face. For some couples, it becomes a turning point—an opportunity to rebuild trust and repair their relationship. For others, the betrayal is irreparable, leading to the end of the marriage.

The reasons behind infidelity in a relationship are complex and often tied to unmet emotional or physical needs, a lack of connection, or personal vulnerabilities. For instance, a partner who feels neglected or emotionally disconnected may seek validation or intimacy outside the marriage as a way to fill that void. Understanding the underlying issues that contribute to infidelity is crucial, as it can help couples decide whether healing is possible or if moving forward separately is the healthier option.

Abuse 

Abuse can take many forms—physical, emotional, verbal, or financial—and it should never be overlooked or tolerated in any marriage. Unlike other challenges that might be worked through with effort and understanding, abuse is never justified. If you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, the priority must always be safety and well-being above all else.

Abuse can manifest in various ways, including:

• Physical harm 
• Controlling behavior
• Constant criticism
• Verbal assault or belittling 
• Gaslighting
• Extreme jealousy
• Isolation from friends or family
• Withholding or controlling money 

Lack of effort or neglect

Relationships need consistent, dedicated attention to succeed. If either partner quits putting energy into a marriage — by neglecting emotional needs, not spending quality time together, or not prioritizing the relationship — dissatisfaction will ultimately follow sooner or later.

A lack of effort or neglect can eventually cause one or both partners to withdraw from the relationship emotionally.

What to Do if You’re in an Unhappy Marriage

Facing marital challenges can be incredibly difficult, but the good news is that, in many cases, you can fix an unhappy marriage. It takes effort, commitment, and a willingness to address the underlying issues, but with the right approach, positive change is possible. Here are some steps you can take to begin improving your relationship and create a healthier, happier marriage.

Work on open communication

Open, honest communication is the foundation of a successful marriage. If you and your partner have avoided tough conversations, or you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, try creating a safe space for honest dialogue. This means creating an environment where both of you can express your thoughts and emotions without the fear of judgment or blame.

Start by having a respectful and honest conversation about how you’re feeling and what you need from the relationship. Use “I” statements (such as “I feel…”) to express your emotions rather than placing blame. This simple shift can reduce defensiveness and create a more productive, compassionate exchange. By consistently fostering open communication, you build trust and a deeper emotional connection.

Seek marriage counseling

Marriage counseling can be a powerful tool for healing, yet many couples question whether marriage counseling works. The answer is yes—research shows that up to 70% of couples who pursue therapy experience significant improvements in their relationship. A skilled therapist can help you both navigate complex issues, offering valuable insights and strategies for rebuilding communication, understanding each other’s needs, and managing conflict in a healthier way.

A good therapist can also help you uncover patterns of behavior that may be contributing to your struggles and guide you toward healthier relationship dynamics. Whether you’re dealing with long-standing issues or more recent relationship challenges, therapy provides a safe, structured space to address difficult topics with professional guidance, offering the support needed to rebuild and strengthen your marriage.

Rebuild emotional intimacy

Rebuilding emotional intimacy is essential for restoring closeness in a marriage. Spending quality time together and focusing on reconnecting emotionally can help restore the bond that may have been lost. Building trust and creating an environment where both partners feel safe and vulnerable is essential to achieving this. When both individuals feel heard and valued, it’s easier to open up, share deeper feelings, and express affection.

Showing appreciation for each other is another key way to foster an emotional connection. Small gestures of love and acknowledgment can go a long way in making your partner feel cherished and understood.

“During the course of a relationship, couples tend to get complacent in the long-term aspect of it. Within a marriage, this idea that the couple doesn’t need to try anymore because the goal of marriage has been achieved sets in, leading to not being quite as emotionally intimate as when the courtship was occurring. Go back on dates together, find new things that can be enjoyed together, and consider group activities geared towards couples. Rebuilding emotional intimacy often means to be more intentional about showing that we care for one another.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Work on conflict resolution skills

Healthy conflict resolution is a vital skill in any relationship. Learning how to handle disagreements constructively can prevent arguments from escalating and allow you to address underlying issues without causing further harm. While it may take practice, improving how you manage conflict can lead to less tension and greater understanding between partners.

Wondering how to resolve conflict in a relationship? Utilize these tips:

• Stay calm
• Avoid raising your voice
• Focus on the problem, not the person
• Avoid personal attacks
• Go for compromise instead of trying to win

Set realistic expectations

Unhealthy expectations can cause disappointment and dissatisfaction. Rather than expecting your partner to meet all your needs or be perfect, try to appreciate their contributions to the relationship. Realizing that no marriage is perfect and adjusting your expectations isn’t the same as settling. It’s recognizing that even though your relationship has challenges, you can overcome them and grow together. 

Invest in the relationship

Neglect can manifest slowly, starting with things like skipping date nights or forgetting to offer small gestures of appreciation. Over time, these seemingly small things can result in significant physical and emotional distance between you and your partner. 

It’s essential to make a conscious effort to nurture your marriage and your partner. When you prioritize your relationship, you can rebuild connections and remember why you fell in love in the first place. 

Simple gestures can go a long way in reigniting intimacy and affection:

• Leave thoughtful notes for each other 
• Plan date nights — even if they’re just a special dinner at home
• Surprise your partner with a small act of kindness or thoughtfulness
• Set aside time for hobbies and activities you both enjoy

Prioritize self-care

Taking care of yourself mentally and physically is crucial, especially if you’re struggling in your marriage. When you prioritize self-care, you’ll have the energy to approach a relationship with clarity and resilience. Taking care of yourself does more than just benefit you — it helps you show up as a better partner.

Here are some ways to prioritize self-care:

• Work out regularly
• Pursue hobbies you enjoy
• Eat and sleep well
• Start therapy 
• Practice mindfulness

Reignite physical intimacy

Physical intimacy is a central part of any marriage. Don’t be afraid to discuss your needs and explore ways to rebuild this important part of your relationship. Establishing a physical, intimate connection with each other can strengthen your bond and improve your marriage.

• Start with small gestures, like holding hands or hugging
• Openly talk about your needs and desires
• Avoid judgment
• Explore new ways to connect physically through shared experiences or by trying something new

Practice forgiveness

Forgiveness is one of the most powerful tools for healing in a marriage. Letting go of past grievances and forgiving each other can be incredibly liberating. It allows you to move forward without being weighed down by old hurts and resentments. It’s important to understand that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing the wrongdoing—it simply means choosing to release the emotional hold that past issues have on you.

“Forgiving our partner can be difficult. It takes a lot of time, work, and effort by both partners to rebuild that trust to earn that forgiveness. It’s not about ‘forgive and forget’ but forgiving despite the hurt. It is helpful to reach out to a couples/marriage counselor to help in working through the hurt and forgiveness. Above all, be sure to try and resolve the conflict so that it doesn’t linger in resentment, causing the inability to forgive.”

– Talkspace therapist Minkyung Chung, MS, LMHC

Here’s how you can practice forgiveness in your relationship:

• Acknowledge the hurt but stay focused on today and tomorrow
• Communicate your feelings
• Encourage your partner to talk about their feelings
• Don’t punish yourself or your partner for mistakes

Be willing to grow and adapt together

To have a successful marriage, you must be willing to evolve as individuals and as a couple. 

Change is inevitable, and growing together will strengthen your bond. Growth isn’t always easy, but embracing it and working together will help you create a resilient and fulfilling partnership.

As you navigate life’s changes, here are some ways to grow together and strengthen your partnership:

• Embrace change as an opportunity
• Support each other’s personal growth and goals
• Stay open to learning new ways to connect with each other 
• Never give up on communicating

When to Consider Separation or Divorce

Not all relationships are salvageable. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, staying together might not be the best choice. In some cases, taking a break in a relationship can provide the space needed to evaluate your feelings and decide on the best course of action.

When to consider separation or divorce:

• Ongoing abuse is occurring
• Infidelity has damaged trust to the point of no return
• Emotional neglect persists despite sharing the hurt it causes
• One or both of you are unwilling to do the work and invest in the relationship

If you’re in an unhealthy relationship and are thinking about getting out, a therapist can help clarify your options. By working with a therapist, you can ensure the decisions you make are in your best interest. 

Remember that every relationship is different, and there’s no one-size-fits-all solution. Therapy can offer you the clarity you need to move forward confidently in every decision you make.  

Transform Your Marriage with Professional Support

Being dissatisfied with marriage is more common than you probably realize. Fortunately, there are things you can do — like having a conversation with your partner, becoming more intentional about your relationship, or seeking professional help. Getting support through therapy or counseling will offer you the tools and insight you need to rebuild or reimagine your relationship. 

Talkspace is an accessible, convenient, affordable way to get couples therapy that fits your needs and schedule. Talkspace therapists are licensed and specialize in relationship challenges, so you can save your marriage or take the first step as you choose a new path. Either way, there is hope — and help is available at Talkspace.

If you’re ready to address the challenges in your marriage, contact Talkspace today to learn more about online couples therapy.

People often assume that couples therapy and marriage counseling are the same, but the terms refer to different treatments. Couples therapy is for people who are having problems in their relationship, whereas all kinds of people go to marriage counseling to strengthen a relationship and get coping tools to deal with future challenges in a healthy way. 

Read on to learn more about marriage counseling vs couples therapy and learn how to find the right type of help for your relationship.

Teamwork is essential to a healthy marriage. It’s also a crucial part of therapy or counseling. If you and your partner are seeking help via therapy (which is sometimes also called “marriage counseling”), you’ll see more benefits when you put equal effort into the process. 

The following tips for couples counseling will help you get better results if you and your partner are trying to build a healthy relationship.  

Updated 01/27/2025

Studies show that romantic relationship satisfaction significantly impacts well-being and quality of life. Seeking therapy is a proactive step towards nurturing a healthy relationship, yet the key lies in finding the right marriage counselor or therapist. If you’re unsure how to find a marriage counselor, these marriage counseling tips will help you find someone who can guide you and your partner to a happier marriage.

Couples therapy has the potential to transform your relationship profoundly, but you need to work with the right therapist to get the most out of the process. Learn how to find a good marriage counselor in this guide.

1. Consider What’s Important to You & Your Partner

Before you start searching for a marriage counselor, you and your partner should discuss your preferences and goals. Would you prefer to see a marriage therapist or counselor who shares your religious background? Do you want to work towards specific goals during each marriage therapy session, like bringing back intimacy or developing a shared value system?

When deciding how to choose a marriage counselor, it’s crucial to ensure that you’re both on the same page. If you and your partner have a detailed conversation about what’s important to you, you’ll be able to find a couples counselor you both feel comfortable with.

“In individual therapy, we always try to get to the core issues, and couples’ work is similar. When looking for a therapist, it’s crucial to remember your independent values and the value system you share as a couple. When those are clear, it can often keep you aligned in therapy with the acknowledgment that is not something you’d want to compromise but rather honor as a couple.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

2. Seek Recommendations

Word-of-mouth recommendations can be an invaluable resource when searching for a marriage counselor. Ask trusted friends, family members, or colleagues if they’ve worked with a marriage therapist they would recommend. Additionally, consider reaching out to professionals you trust, like your primary care doctor or a clergy member, for suggestions. Personal referrals often provide insight into what you can expect from a counselor’s approach and personality, making it easier to find someone who aligns with your needs.

3. Search for a Therapist Trained in Couples or Marriage Counseling

Selecting the right therapist specialized in couples or marriage counseling is a pivotal step in the journey towards improving your relationship. Various professionals, each with distinct qualifications and expertise, offer couples counseling services aimed at addressing marital issues. Understanding the differences among them can guide you in choosing the most suitable marriage therapist for your needs.

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT)

A licensed marriage family therapist specializes in working with couples and families. These couples counseling professionals focus on helping people repair relationships and develop essential relationship skills. A LMFT must have a master’s degree in marriage and family therapy or a similar discipline.

Clinical Psychologist (CP)

Clinical psychologists offer a wide range of mental health services, including therapy, psychological assessment, and diagnosis. You may want to see a psychologist for marriage counseling if you believe your partner or you may be dealing with an undiagnosed mental health condition. As mental health professionals, psychologists must pass state and national licensing exams and obtain a doctoral degree in psychology.

Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC)

Sometimes called Licensed Professional Counselors (LPCs), these mental health professionals are trained in counseling. Typically, an LMHC or LPC will offer several types of counseling. Accreditation requirements vary from state to state, but most couples counselors will have a master’s degree in psychology.

Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW)

LCSWs work in various settings and offer many services, including therapy, mental health assessments and diagnosis, and social support. While some LCSWs work with couples, most professionals offer individual counseling services. To work as an LCSW, you need a master’s degree in social work. In addition to LCSWs, there are also LMSWs — Licensed Masters Social Workers — who work under clinical supervision to provide therapy.

What type of counselor is best for marriage?

When figuring out how to find a marriage counselor, it’s generally best to look for a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. These relationship counseling professionals specialize in assisting couples and use a variety of techniques to help people build healthier marriages. However, you may want to consider another type of marriage therapist or counselor if there are specific concerns that you want to address.

4. Search Online & In Therapist Directories

Suppose you’re not sure how to choose a couples therapist or where to find the right professional to work with. In that case, online directories can help you find online therapy and online marriage counseling options or professionals in your area.

5. Schedule an Initial Consultation

Before committing to a marriage counselor, schedule an initial consultation. Many therapists offer a brief phone or video call to discuss your concerns and outline their approach to counseling. This session is a chance to evaluate their communication style, understand their methods, and see if their expertise matches your needs. Use this opportunity to ask any preliminary questions and determine if you and your partner feel comfortable moving forward with them.

6. Ask Important Questions When Vetting Marriage Counselors

Once you’ve found a few marriage counselors you’d potentially like to see, take the time to learn more about them. Interviewing therapists can provide valuable information to help determine how to choose a marriage counselor.

“Therapy is certainly an investment, and in this day and age, it’s more than OK to be clear on what you’re investing in. It’s common to ask questions and study online profiles. Still, I certainly encourage inquiring about even a “mini session” by phone to learn about style, fit, and payment schedule. It’s not enough to just have faith in the process when it takes time to build rapport within a therapeutic relationship, which can be such an indicator for success.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Questions to ask a potential marriage counselor

When vetting a marriage counselor, try to get a better sense of what it would be like to work with them. Find out more about the methods and techniques they use.

You should also ask questions about any unique concerns. For example, if there are specific issues you’d like to address, such as grief or traumatic events, ask the therapist if they’ve treated couples with similar marriage problems. Other questions you may want to ask include the following:

• Do you primarily work with couples?
• How long is a typical counseling session?
• How do you measure progress?
• How do you feel about divorce?
• What can we expect if we work with you?
• Do you work in any particular modality or type of therapy?
• Do you recommend that we each be in individual therapy as well?
• Do you see clients in-person, virtually, or both?

7. Discuss Their Specialized Marriage Therapy Approaches

There are many ways to approach marriage counseling. Depending on your needs, you may find that specific types of therapy are the best options. For example, Gottman Couple Therapy has been shown to improve relationship intimacy. Many other couples therapy techniques have proven successful in building healthy relationships, such as Imago therapy.

Figuring out how to find a marriage counselor can be challenging. However, if you have plenty of information about a professional’s methods, you’ll have a better sense of what to expect. You and your partner can decide if a couples therapist’s approach seems right for you.

8. Consider Compatibility

Compatibility with a marriage counselor is essential for successful therapy. Pay attention to how well their communication style meshes with yours and whether their values align with your relationship goals. A good counselor will create a safe and supportive space where both you and your partner feel heard and respected. If you sense a disconnect or lack of understanding, don’t hesitate to explore other options until you find the right fit.

9. Don’t Settle for a Bad Fit

It can take time to figure out how to find a good marriage counselor. Some research suggests that, on average, it takes couples 4 to 7 years before they seek therapy to improve relationship problems. While it’s best not to wait too long to start relationship counseling, you shouldn’t settle for a counselor who’s not right for you.

Marriage counseling is a collaborative process, which is why it’s crucial that you and your partner both feel comfortable with the therapist you decide on. If someone has an issue with a counselor, you should cross that professional off your list.

How do I know if my marriage counselor is good or bad?

Part of learning how to choose a couples therapist is figuring out how to identify red flags. Warning signs to watch out for include:

• Taking sides: A good marriage counselor shouldn’t decide which party is “right” or “wrong.” Instead, they should give a married couple the tools they need to resolve conflicts.
• Sharing personal information: It’s OK if a counselor occasionally shares details about their personal life, but their focus should always be on the married couple they’re working with.
• Failing to disclose a conflict of interest: Therapists should always disclose conflicts of interest and turn away couples they can’t ethically treat.
• Ignoring issues: If a marriage counselor fails to address serious relationship problems or focuses on surface issues, they may be unable to help you and your partner grow.

“Reciprocity for feedback can be such a positive criteria for therapy. Offer feedback and ask for it. It’s important to be clear about goals and feel comfortable about ways to reach them. More important than grading or rating your therapist is the establishment of honesty from the outset. If that exists, it becomes easier to discuss barriers to treatment openly rather than feeling in the dark about what is at play or on the treatment plan. Take time to build trust while being communicative to effect the process of relief and healing.”

– Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW

Find a Marriage Counselor with Talkspace

Even if you’re not clear on how to find a marriage counselor or you think that you don’t have much time for couples therapy, you can get the help you need with Talkspace.Talkspace is an online therapy platform that lets you get effective, affordable online marriage counseling in the comfort of your own home. Many types of counseling are available, and Talkspace can match you with a licensed therapist who’s right for you.

Updated 3/17/25

Marital issues affect most — dare we say all — couples at some point. That said, no matter how serious or trivial marriage problems might seem, most of the time you can work together to get back on track. The majority of marriages can be helped, and research shows that couples therapy is effective for an estimated 70% of couples who try it. 

The most important thing to know is that marital strife is common. Some problems seem to be more common than others. Continue reading to learn about the types of relationship problems many married couples face. We’ll also review ways you can work to create a deeper bond with your partner, including online couples counseling. If you and your spouse are facing marriage issues, you’re not alone.

Is It Normal to Have Problems in Marriage?

Virtually all couples will experience marital problems at various stages throughout their relationship. It’s the couples with a strong bond and effective tools, who understand how to work through marriage issues, that survive even the most difficult and challenging obstacles. Some marital issues cause disappointment and resentment, but it’s possible to get through them if you’re both willing to fight for the relationship.

“Certainly, it is common. Typically, marriages involve the union of very different people, so there will be problems that ebb and flow in every marriage. The seriousness of the problems can vary in each marriage, but everyone will encounter some challenging times.”

Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Let’s review 12 of the most common marriage problems and learn about techniques to address them before they cause irreparable damage.

12 Common Marriage Problems

Marital problems stem from poor communication, lack of intimacy, money problems, and growing apart as life takes different twists and turns. If you realize that your marriage is hitting a rough patch, but both you and your spouse are willing to make some necessary changes, you can resolve almost any source of tension.  

1. Lack of communication

Poor communication is a common marital issue. A lot of couples push their problems aside rather than trying to talk about and fix them. They may get set in their ways and in the roles of the relationship, allowing for resentments to grow. When new challenges arise later in life, they lack the communication skills to properly negotiate new rules, and the relationship suffers.

“Communication problems — For example, difficulty listening and understanding, difficulty assuming ownership, and difficulty reserving the time and space to have healthy conversations.”

Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Tip: If this rings true in your relationship, and you want to learn how to communicate in a relationship more effectively, start by being a good listener and encouraging your spouse to express themself. Communication is a skill that benefits any relationship.

2. Lack of intimacy

Sex matters. Still, many couples lose interest in intimacy because of emotional issues, medical problems, financial or other life stressors, or because things seem to be in a rut. If you want to maintain a loving marriage, you must be willing to make physical intimacy a priority. Learning to talk about intimacy with your spouse is step one. Communicate openly about your desires, worries, and anything else relating to sex that may be damaging your intimate connection.

“Sex problems — For example, when couples have different views on the sexual intensity and frequency level in their marriage.”

Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Tip: Sharing your sexual needs with your spouse might feel awkward or selfish, but a physical relationship is a critical part of your marriage. By sharing your feelings, you’re only being honest and trying to strengthen your relationship with your partner. 

3. Different life stages

Being in different stages of life is taxing on a relationship — whether it’s due to an age difference, time spent away from one another, or growing apart in terms of interest and life goals. When you don’t feel connected to your partner, you can feel the impact on your relationship.

Tip: It’s important to make your relationship a priority. Regular date nights, doing things the other person loves, and exploring new hobbies together are all great ways to reconnect and overcome the distance caused by different stages of life. 

4. Infidelity

Infidelity isn’t always about physical cheating. It can also be marked by emotional connections with someone outside the marriage. Cheating can be destructive to any marriage, as it severely disrupts the trust your relationship is based on. 

While it’s true that many couples cannot overcome infidelity, it can be possible. If you want to heal from one person being unfaithful, just know that it’s going to take a lot of understanding, work, and forgiveness. Couples must be willing to work hard to fix trust issues in a relationship after infidelity.   

Tip: Emotional distance is a precursor to cheating, so try to be honest with your spouse if you feel like an emotional or sexual distance is driving you to thoughts of infidelity. If you’re already dealing with a case of physical or emotional cheating, be as honest and understanding as you can about the situation. 

5. Jealousy

A little jealousy here and there is normal, but excessive jealousy can turn a marriage into a dreaded daily battle. Perpetually jealous people tend to be controlling, angry, and overbearing. In many cases, they lack self-esteem and suffer from childhood attachment issues. If you or your spouse is jealous regularly, you might want to seek therapy. Sometimes, professional help is very necessary.

Tip: If you’re dealing with a consistently jealous partner, address the issue head-on and seek professional help since there may be deeper emotional conditions at play. 

6. Boredom

The monotony of repeating the same activities daily with the same person can become too much for some couples. If your relationship has become too comfortable and unimaginative, change the narrative. Introduce some exciting new activities that can spark energy and intimacy back into your marriage.  

Tip: Communication can help here. If you’re feeling bored, share your frustrations with your spouse and devise fun, creative ways to bring some life back into the relationship. Take up a hobby together, start working out, or plan regular date nights to reinvigorate things. 

7. Disrespecting boundaries

Married couples must remain distinct individuals who appreciate and support each other’s talents and abilities. Nobody wants to be controlled or likes to be told what to do, how to dress, or where to spend their money. Marriage is a bond between two people who want to make life better for each other. If you overstep your partner’s boundaries, it can erode the trust that your union is based on. Offer one another the space and freedom to express yourselves individually without judgment.

Tip: If you feel like you’re losing yourself in your marriage, that’s a red flag. Find ways to carve out your own time and space to be you, and be sure to communicate healthy relationship boundaries clearly with your partner. 

8. Stress

Stress is common in adult life. Stress from relationships, professional responsibilities, parenting, and financial worries can all interfere with how you connect with your partner. It can drastically change your relationship, and typically for the worse. Learning to manage stress in healthy and productive ways can help you learn to navigate the stressful times you’ll inevitably face during your marriage.

Tip: Stress management is something you can apply to all areas of your life, not just your marriage. Finding ways to decompress and not let stress get the best of you will greatly improve your marriage. Journaling, working out, doing yoga, being creative, reading, and getting outdoors for a walk all can be effective ways to manage stress. Finding things you can do with your partner is an added bonus!

9. Unequal household responsibilities

Household responsibilities can become a major source of resentment in a marriage, especially when one partner feels they are carrying an unfair share of the load. This imbalance can lead to feelings of frustration, exhaustion, and even hurt, particularly if one person feels undervalued in the relationship.

For example, if a husband works long hours and assumes his wife will handle all the cooking, cleaning, and childcare without discussion, it can create deep-seated resentment over time. The burden of household duties shouldn’t fall disproportionately on one person—marriage is a partnership, and shared responsibilities help build a stronger bond.

Tip: Have an open conversation about your expectations and needs regarding household tasks. Make a list of responsibilities and divide them fairly based on each person’s work schedule and capacity. Creating a chore chart or alternating responsibilities can help ensure balance and prevent resentment from growing.

10. Differing values

Major disagreements about religion, politics, child-rearing and the basic definition of right and wrong can cause serious disruptions to a marital union. We all grew up differently with unique morals, values, beliefs, and goals, but if markedly different views are coming between you and your spouse, it’ll require effective communication and understanding to work through things and maintain the marriage. 

Tip: Large rifts in values may be difficult to overcome, but it’s worth an honest conversation before any drastic decisions are made. Learning more about where values came from can be a step in the right direction. Therapy can be valuable in navigating difficult conversations and trying to find common ground when it comes to values. A neutral party can ensure discussions are productive and respectful.

11. Parenting differences

Raising children can be a rewarding yet challenging experience, and differing parenting styles often lead to marital issues. One parent might be more permissive, while the other is stricter, leading to disagreements on discipline, education, or daily routines. When these differences aren’t addressed, they can create tension and cause parents to undermine each other’s authority, confusing the child and straining the marriage.

For example, if one parent believes in allowing their child more freedom while the other enforces strict rules, arguments may arise over bedtime, screen time, or school performance. These conflicts can lead to frustration and resentment, making it harder to stay united as a couple.

Tip: Communication and compromise are key to parenting. Sit down and discuss your values and expectations for raising your children. Identify common ground and establish a unified approach to parenting. If necessary, consider seeking guidance from a family or couples therapist to navigate significant differences and build a cohesive parenting strategy.

12. Money problems

There’s a saying that money doesn’t solve money problems. Even for couples who have enough of it, money arguments seem to be inevitable from time to time in any relationship. Your partner may want to spend money when you want to save it. You may have different ideas about how to invest. Like most things in a marriage, communication is the key to victory here. Make it a point to routinely sit down and discuss finances, future goals, and other relevant factors that determine how you spend your money as a married couple.

“Finances — For example, one person supporting the entire relationship or having difficulty finding a healthy balance between spending and thrifting.”

Talkspace therapist Meaghan Rice, PsyD, LPC

Tip: Try a monthly finance date with your partner. Sit down and review the month’s spending and discuss how the money will be spent in the future. Marriage finances are something that needs to be tended to regularly. Make this habit one that you share with your spouse so you both feel like financial decisions are made together.

13. Trauma or grief

Experiencing traumatic events or situations can take a toll on any relationship or marriage. Because they can be life-changing, trauma and grief can challenge even healthy, strong marriages. 

Tip: Remember that grief is different for everybody. How you’re grieving may not be how your partner is processing things. Give each other space, compassion, and time, and don’t be afraid to seek help. Grief therapy can be effective in dealing with loss. None of us knows how to naturally navigate trauma — professional help can be instrumental in recovering, both personally, and in your relationship.

14. Addiction issues

Addiction, whether related to alcohol, drugs, gambling, or other harmful behaviors, can severely impact a marriage. It can lead to financial struggles, emotional distance, broken trust, and even dangerous situations. If a person struggles with addiction, their spouse may feel helpless, frustrated, or even resentful about the impact on their life and marriage.

For instance, if a husband struggles with alcohol addiction, his spouse might feel lonely, unsafe, or exhausted from trying to cover for his behavior. Addiction often becomes a reason for deep marital discord, and if left unaddressed, it can lead to separation or divorce.

Tip: Acknowledging the issue is the first step toward healing. If addiction is affecting your marriage, seeking professional help is important. Encourage your partner to get treatment through therapy, support groups, or rehabilitation programs. Remember that addiction recovery requires patience, commitment, and external support. Couples therapy can also be beneficial in rebuilding trust and working through the struggles that addiction has caused.

15. Social media

Social media has made it easier than ever to reconnect with old friends or acquaintances, but it can also introduce new challenges in your marriage. Constantly comparing your relationship to others online, or engaging in interactions that blur boundaries, can strain the trust and intimacy between partners. 

Whether it’s private messaging someone from your past or liking photos of attractive individuals, social media can sometimes create emotional distance in your relationship. Additionally, it can make it easy to become distracted or disengaged during important moments with your spouse.

Tip: To prevent social media from affecting your relationship, consider setting guidelines that focus on the quality of your interactions. For example, you might agree to avoid engaging with past acquaintances or checking social media during meaningful moments together, like date nights or important conversations. Prioritize transparent communication with your partner about what feels comfortable and respectful online, so you can protect the emotional connection and trust in your relationship.

16. Technology or screen time overuse

Technology is an integral part of modern life, but excessive screen time can negatively impact a marriage. If one or both partners are constantly on their phones, watching TV, or engaging with social media instead of each other, it can lead to feelings of neglect and emotional disconnection.

For instance, a couple might sit in the same room but spend the entire evening scrolling through their phones instead of talking or sharing quality time. Over time, this pattern can create emotional distance, making one or both partners feel unimportant or unseen in the relationship.

Tip: Set boundaries around technology use to prioritize quality time together. Consider implementing “tech-free zones” in your home or establishing screen-free hours, such as during meals or before bedtime. By making a conscious effort to stay present, couples can foster deeper connections and strengthen their love for each other.

Find Professional Marriage Help with Talkspace

As long as the couples deal with these problems ahead of time, they can prevent marriage trouble in the future. Any couple whose marriage stands the test of time knows that marital issues are just a fact of life. It’s how they’re handled that’s the real test. One of the first steps of how to save your marriage (or how to fix a broken relationship, really) is to identify the causes. Most marriage problems can be resolved with caring communication, attentive listening, and a mutual willingness to move past the issues you face, all of which can be dealt with online couples counseling.

Of course, in some cases, couples just can’t seem to find common ground on their own. In those cases, it’s better to seek marriage counseling. That’s when professional help from a competent counselor or therapist can be a game changer. Individual or couples-based talk therapy is a powerful tool that can help you gain the skills you need to overcome almost any issue in any marriage. The counseling sessions may not help resolve all the issues right away, but it does lay the foundation for a healthy marriage.

If you think your relationship could use some help, online therapy can be an easy way to start. A therapist can help you and your spouse develops strategies to overcome the types of common problems we’ve discussed here, or anything else you might be facing in your marriage. 

Talkspace is an online therapy platform that offers accessible therapy and support from experienced mental health experts. If you’re looking for professional help getting your marriage back on track, find out how Talkspace can help.